The First Time in Ten Years…

I’ve been staring at an empty page for almost an hour now…the words are hard to come by. There is just too much going through my mind and my heart at the moment. The problem is I’ve never really gotten personal with my blogs. I tend to keep my friends, my private life and my emotions out of what I write. Some things are meant to be kept in your memories alone.

At the same time I cannot not write about how it was is happening in this particular case. I won’t go into details. And I’m not looking for sympathy.

Tonight I am going to get completely shitfaced. Completely and utterly fucked. So much so that I’m praying for a blank, a blackout, a blur. And tomorrow when I go to work I want to have the most epic hangover ever, I want my head to pound so loudly that I can’t even think straight.

I don’t know what I’m going to do after that…maybe hibernate, contemplate life, who knows…

I guess you want to know why?

Well, the long and the short of it is this: I got dumped.

Peace out.

 

 

Rocketeering, Gangsta’s, and a Birthday…

So…I didn’t end up at the coast. After an emotional evening it was decided I would remain in Jozi…Woohoo!

It been a pretty eventful time since deciding to stay up here and all of it good…no…awesome.

Friday the 16th was my sisters birthday, so we had a good old fashioned piss up…you know…the one where you start dancing and singing along to Bon Jovi…there was also a little bit of karaoke but I do believe that I broke the machine or a few eardrums…I can’t be too sure which. It was a great time, a bit wild, but with a few Scots in the mix, it always tends to get a little bit crazy.I was also almost involved in a cage fight with my god brother…but I decided to save him the embarassment of having his ass kicked by a girl.

Saturday I was invited to witness Schalk and Jaco’s Rocketeering(to catch up on previous episodes you can check it out @    http://www.youtube.com/user/Groendakkies).

Put simply, they cook homemade rocket fuel, drink alot and then attempt to launch, up to this point the rocket has had performance problems, but really, the making of it is hysterical. And live it is so much better.

I think it has already been established that The Wild West has no brakes. And as always, this time was no different. A game of Kings got us nicely stukkend, especially when the ‘strafdop’ (penalty drink) is a mix of Sambuca and Tequila Jack. There were also other shooters but they were avoided like the plague(by me at least). The rest of the evening was mostly talking(of which I was mostly to blame…apparently I can talk ALOT).

Which reminds me of a famous quote…Silence is Golden, Duct tape is Silver…and I am sure that Jaco, Schalk and Marius would have loved to have used some duct tape to shut me up that night.

The next morning we were rudely awakened by the fact that Silent Bob’s wallet was missing. After an endless search for said wallet,i was eventuall recovered and Bob could smile again. Jaco prepped the rockets while his super enthusiastic partner, Schalk, did as little as possible….his ass was glued to the La Z Boy the entire morning. I found it difficult to get up myself. In fact it was difficult to do anything from lying still, sitting still, talking, not talking, eating, not eating…everything I did was a sad attempt…

After preparations we could leave and shoot some rockets. Let me tell you, you get some really weird and concerned looks from people when driving by with a rocket in your hand(can anyone say Terrorist much?). We went to a remote area give or take 10km from Roodepoort…but more on the give side…and boy was it a scorcher…why we actully needed to ingite the rockets is beyond me, that’s how hot it was.

Rocket number One was an explosive, and we were pretty lucky not to be hit by shrapnel(the closest piece must’ve been around 2m from where we were standing). The next rocket the men were able to “launch” 3 times. Once there was a little airtime for the rocket, the other two launches were more about making a “big boom”. I must say there is alot of fun in the ‘uncertainty’ of shooting homemade rockets. You feel young and somewhat reckless and obviously there is an element of danger. But please kids…do not try this at home…

Better luck next time boys.

As tired as I was I did not get lost whatsoever coming back from Roodepoort. So all in all a weekend without getting lost…HUGE SUCCESS!

Is it too gushy to say tha I’m loving life at the moment?

Well I am.

Brakes…Where we’re going…We don’t need Brakes!

I’ve decided that weekends are way too short. There is only so much that can be done and two days and two nights are never enough.

I had a fantastic time doing my laundry on Friday night…yes I did my laundry…on a Friday night. And then I put myself through the agony of watching a dreadful movie on E tv called “Prey” which is about some silly Americans being attacked by homicidal lions. Needless to say, the lions did a killer acting job…not that I know how it ended…I fell asleep on the couch it was that riveting.

I was up fresh and early on Saturday morning and I hit the shopping malls before they became suffocatingly full with Christmas shoppers. If there is one thing I do not like(in fact despise it), are queues. It seems when people are queing they forget all about personal space and boundaries, so much so that you can feel their breath on your neck as you are waiting your turn. I feel claustrophobic in these circumstances. I was relieved to be done with all the shopping before this happened. The perks of being up before 7am on a Saturday morning.

That evening it was off to The Wild West again. It is with confidence that I can say that I can make my way to Roodepoort with no problem whatsoever anymore(I cant say the same about coming back though) . I had to stop at the local mall to get my drinks for the evening. I was pretty dissapointed in the variety of soda’s they had to offer(which was next to nothing), I was looking for Sprite, where the Checkers did not even have a buddy bottle. I came right at the bottle store, although I had to buy two 1 litre bottles as opposed to one 2 litre bottle.

The evenings dinner was pizza…simple but effective. And for the evening’s entertainment we were to watch some Jimmy Carr, not the live South African show, but from the comfort of La Z Boy couches.

I must mention that as comfy La Z Boys are there is a slight degree of difficulty when trying to do certain things…stop right there with your dirty minds…have you ever tried to drink while lying down on a La Z boy with your feet up? And then there is the cuddle problem, which is almost impossible due to the fact that as soon as your weight is not evenly distributed on said couch, ,it retracts back into the seated position. Overall though, comfort far outweighs anything else….my overall rating is an 8 out of 10.

A big thank you to Jaco for always being the gracious host. I did not have to pour one of my own drinks. Granted I had to keep up which meant downing quite a few of those glasses of vodka…but it’s the thought that counts.

I’d love to fill you in on the gory details of the rest of the evening but things are a “little hazy”. I can tell you that I didn’t get away from the evening unscathed. I am now the proud owner of not one, but two Hickeys. Which is all well and good unless you have to see your mother and your ex the same day.

I’ve given up tring to sleep in over the weekends, those elusive extra hours of sleep I will never get again…the struggle is over, RPS(Restless Parent Syndrome) has won.

I spent the morning watching Transformers with one awesome litte guy, playing with cars and then discussing the greatness of Ben Ten.

True to form when in the West, I got lost, again. Thankfully it wasn’t a major detour, I simply missed a turn off, so I was able to get back on track easily enough. But it sucks greatly nonetheless. Got back to Boksburg, and went to lunch with my mother and two sisters where we devoured copious amounts of seafood.

All in all a very good weekend…

PS: Anyone got tips on covering up a hickey?

Flat Out…

Where do I start to describe the weekend?

Well, it didn’t come soon enough. Friday afternoons at work really are torture, especially when you are eager for the weekend to start. Minutes turn into hours and if we are all completely honest, how much work really gets done between 3 and 5pm on a Friday afternoon?

Eventually it was time to hit the road and for the weekend to begin. And what better way to begin by spending the evening in Roodepoort(well, maybe not so much for the city, but for the company there).

The challenge was to cook a meal for my boyfriend without blowing anything up or killing anyone, or, as is my forte, flooding the kitchen. Well I’m happy to say we both made it out alive, nothing flooded, no one died and nothing was blown up. I know, next time I’ll try be a little more careless…we know that makes for a much more entertaining blog. The rest of the evenings plans were pretty simple, a couple of UFC’s and a movie.

The plans were slightly diverted and we ended up watching the highlights of a few movies, such as the unforgettable fight scene between Neo and Mr Smith from the movie classic The Matrix. And then for a couple of laughs, Cheech and Chongs Up in Smoke, anyone looking for some Labrador?

All in all a very relaxed evening, especially when only one bottle of vodka was consumed by only two people(In hindsight it is perhaps never a very wise idea to try drink as much your boyfriend). It is only a miracle that I have not yet hugged a toilet in Roodepoort.

Restless Parent Syndrome is a bitch. We were both up before 6am with pounding heads…and a slight blank on how and when the bedroom curtains were shut?(after some deliberation it was decided that I had indeed shut the curtains when we decided to go to bed). A few headache tablets later and a couple of cups of coffee and I was almost functional again. Jaco made an awesome breakfast sandwich that I surely would have eaten with gusto on any other morning, but my stomach wanted to hear none of it , so it ended up being a few feeble bites.

And then there was serious business to attend to. I had to get my ass back to Boksburg in order to do some shopping.

Let me add here that for the first time, I did not get lost coming or going from the Wild West….but I may have picked up a traffic fine.

Back in Boksburg the Minx and I hit the stores with what energy we could muster ,as we were both suffering intense hangovers. Two malls and dozens of stores later(which, if I had listened to Minkster, could have been prevented) we eventually found the perfect outfits.

I word on clothing store dressing rooms: unless you are perfectly preportioned nothing will quite look fabulous on you when you try it on in a dressing room. More often than not harsh flourescent lighting is used and this is the worst type of lighting as it brings up every flaw you hve on your body. If you are unsure, buy the item of clothing and try it on at home and if it still looks crap, return it.

It was time to get a move on to Kempton Park(and yes, my shoes were off within the first five minutes of being there). And honestly, what is a weekend without the Goose getting lost. Yes, I got lost in Kempton Park, but it was minor. The worst part being we had to travel on a dirt road.

We really did enjoy ourselves kempton style, with no shoes, lying on blankets in the shade. And of course, all of us had hit it pretty hard thenght before so it took a couple of drinks for us all to regain our “personalities”. As the perfect host, Schalk delegated the braaing to his brother and the salads to the women(well, I can tell you, I have had just about enough domestication after this weekend). The food was awesome!

All too soon it was time to get ready and get our asses off to Nicci Beach. And we did so in style. There is nothing better than dancing the night away with great company, the overall crowd was also really cool. Schalk I will never forget your little moonwalk. Silent Bob(aka Marius) actually spoke and quite often. Minki, my dear, danced her her feet off. Jaco played cameraman well. And me, well I was in my happy place.

Sometimes a person just cannot describe an awesome evening and such is the case. But the big dogs definitely showed the Goose a thing or two.

To memories made.

Keep on Rollin’

After Friday afternoon’s dilemma, I must say the weekend was well worth the hangover I experienced yesterday.

Friday evening was pretty mellow considering the drink we had, can you say PO10C? I dont know why we even force ourselves to drink something that looks like methylated spirits and has much to be desired in the taste department. But we did it, we drank the bottle. We also had meaningful gal pal chats and good old fashioned dancing. It was also on Friday evening that I realized that I need to start putting my debit card into my purse, as opposed to dumping it into my handbag, which I may fear is also black hole(I am forever searching for something in there, amongst the cash slips and make up and cards and chargers and jewellary, you name it, it’s in there, somewhere). And you know its particularly bad when you won’t even let your boyfriend have a peek inside(I kid you not).

What was particularly interesting was the fact that, for the first time in a long time, my mother and I had a true heart to heart, and for those of you who dont know me, this is pretty big, especiall at 12am a night. Mom, thank you for lending me your ear, it is much appreciated.

I woke up the next morning, somewhere between a hangover and not feeling too bad. The worst being I was up at 6am, and that I had to work that morning. The best about it, having a little sister to make you a cup of coffee.

Work went as it always does on a Saturday…painfully. I tried to while away the hours by actually doing some cleaning, yes I did, I actually mopped floors…[insert startled surprise here]. I’d also like to say thank you to the genius who brought us www.stumbleupon.com , there is no better way to surf the net than stumbling.

After work and a little bit of hurried preparation, it was off to the Wild West again. It was third time lucky for me as I managed not to get lost going there (Fist Bump if you please). I knew we were in for an evening when I was greeted by not only Jaco but also Marius and Schalk. One of the toughest decisions that afternoon had to be whether or not to buy a bottle of tequila. But while we stood there we all seemed to realize it was a really bad idea. So we got another bottle of Vodka instead.

The plans for that evening were simple. Go to the drive in(which I hadn’t been to in at least 20 years), have some drinks, watch the movies and then go home. Nothing is ever that simple though, is it?

We arrived an hour early, obviously to get a decent “parking”, which we did. We all had ourselves drinks and with a couple of blankets, a bean bag and a few pillows we were set. The radio was tuned into the correct frequency and all we had to do was wait. The movies that evening happened to be ”Three Musketeers” and someting to do with love…I cant quite remember the full title. Now I’m not too sure but sometime before the movie began we stumbled upon a dire fact. The fact that Schalks battery as flat, his car battery. It seems not only the radio but an annoying light in the boot of the car that refused to go off were the culprits.

Now everyone must’ve had his happen to them at least once. It is not fun, and it is made much worse when you realize that you have to push start the vehicle in the middle of a Drive In(Blind One), amongst hundreds of other people(Blind Two) and you aren’t quite sober(Blind Three).

Back to this a little later.

We were still adamant to watch the Musketeers movie, the only downside being we had to strain to listen to it from the vehicle next door. It was probably in th first 5 minutes that we realized(at least from my point of view) that this movie was going to be kak. Other than the appearances of Mila Jovovich and John Malkovich, the rest of the cast and the acting was somewhat lack lustre and undeserving of our attention. So we did what any good samaritans do and spoke(if not bellowed) to one another about various “taboo” subjects throughout the movie(well we actually werent ther long enough to see the whole movie but you get the point).

Schalkatang seems to be a very appropriate nickname for Mr Lavis as he demonstrated his simian like skills by throwing stones at Jaco using only his feet. Marius showed us that silence is indeed a weapon(cause that is how he rolls). And Jaco, well, what is there to say about him? Other than being able to easily give me a piggy back to the drive-in bathrooms(I may be a skinny bitch but I am not petite so it is pretty cool that someone can pick me up and carry me a few hundred metres without dropping me or falling over.) but his sense of humour and his enthusiasm are second to none.

Come to think of it, who needs to watch a movie about three musketeers when you are in the very presence of a few.

About half way through the movie it became blatantly apparent that we were just not going to watch the rest of it, so we decided to hit the road. This meant being push started halfway through a movie wiht a ton of onlooker. I did as any woman would do, I promply got into the car and hid my face so as not to be recognised.

I believe all that were in earshot of us were happy to see us leave. Push start and all.

The rest of the evening was indeed very memorable, which I can honestly say, is a welcome change when visiting the West.

The next morning there was an attempt at “cliff diving” which did not go too well. Jaco made a dive but the rest of us were not too interested in getting frostbite(among other things). Due to our hangovers we were also not very inspired and I wore the personality of a rock(merely talking was enough to have my grey matter smoking from the effort).

After an attempt at watching Pirates of the Caribbean and a nap I had to head back to Boksburg….

…..but a trip to the Wild West would not be complete without my getting lost now would it? Indeed I did. And not only once. I found myself in Van Der Bijl Park, then Kibler Park then in the middle of Johannesburg and then in Germistion before eventually coming out in Boksburg. I tell you I was in no mood for it, especially on top of my hangover.

Other than that, the weekend rocked, I loved every minute of it. And although things may no have worked out as planned I’d like to think the journey counts just as much as the destination.

Its The Weekend!

It’s the weekend again, and all I have to say is have an awesome one. Let your hair down, dance, have fun, drink a little too much, laughand smile.

As for me, well it seems a trip to the Wild West is in order, and it’s been long overdue.

East Meets West

Yes, this goose from Benoni(East Rand) donned her cowboy boots and dared to live on the wild side and travelled to none other than the city of Roodepoort(West Rand).

Where do I even begin telling you the tale…well let me begin by saying that I have only had my licence(to drive that is) for a little over a year, and while I believe I am quite the capable driver, I have had others strongly disagree. The point being the furthest I have ever travelled by myself has been to another Eastern town, Springs(yes, I do have stories about Springs but those are for another day).

So I packed my things, and yes I remembered the all important passport/visa/ and id documentation for the trip, got my gps ready(would you call a google maps printout gps?) and set off on my long and arduous journey.

Here I would like to say that for all the trouble and pain and stress the roadworks have caused us, the benefits are noteworthy. I am proud to say that I did not once take the wrong interchange, turn off or highway, and as nervewrecking as an hour drive can be to a novice driver, I found the drive pretty pleasant(I’m sure it had nothing to do with the glass of wine I had before leaving).

Once I left the highway I proceeeded to get lost in Roodepoort, thank the lord for Blackberry and their gps or I sincerely believe I still would have been *lost* there.

I arrived safely at my destination only to have to wait before being granted entry by my host, which apparently had something to do with bearded dragons, loud music and a stiff First Watch(that particularly nasty brand of whiskey).

I realized I was in trouble when the welcome and hello drink happened to be a shot of Lupini Sambuca(the last time I touched lupini was 12 years ago and it ended badly). But being the sport I am, I did as the “roodies” do and drank it with a smile(or was it actually a grimace?).

Due to the sambuca the rest of the evenings events go something like this:

Dinner, wine, talk, hide and seek, ufc, four rooms, books, wine, sambuca, music, more wine, jim jefferies, more sambuca, blur, tow trucks, amarula, pellet guns, even more wine, dane cook, blur, more sambuca, billy connolly, and who knows what else….

Overall a very good evening with alot of laughter and yes, ALOT of drinking.

But no one said the Wild West would be safe…and every journey leaves its marks.