Defining Insanity

I believe I have finally lost it.

Yes I have gone mad, bonkers, insane, cuckoo and crazy.

Why, you ask? Well to be dreadfully honest I am ashamed of myself. I truly committed a sin in the eyes of “Twenty Something Single Mums” the world over. This last weekend my lovely daughter was with her father, it was also the end of the month and there were two events that I had been invited to, the first, Kings of Leon(of which I had a FREE Ticket!) and then a night out, not only to watch the Currie Cup Final between the Lions and Sharks(an epic game apparently) but also have cocktails and party the night away with my friend the Minkster(and party the night away she did!).

How do you ask, does a woman decide? Well, if you happen to be me, you choose NEITHER. Yes, you heard me correctly, whilst everyone I know was living it up and having a jol, I had chosen to STUDY…..I feel sick just mentioning it.

My Saturday went something like this:

Working, Studying, Shopping, Short visit at a friend’s place, Washing, Studying, Cooking and Studying.

Before you think I have completely and utterly lost my marbles, I didn’t quite spend my entire Saturday evening studying. I did manage to watch “I am Legend” and “300″ and then prompted by plans for Sunday evening(which subsequently fell through), I spent some of that time painting my nails and straightening my hair.

Okay, you still think I’m nuts, I dont blame you, I really dont. But there is never just one reason for a persons seemingly demented behaviour and so I will say, begrudgedly, that one of the other reasons happened to be the fact that even though it is the end of the month, my budget tells me I’m in no shape to be living it up…..I feel sick again.

You see, October happened to be a very expensive month for me, and though I wont be going into details, there are some bills that are in dire need of paying this month…and we know how I feel about debt…absolutely paranoid…so yes, like a good little girl, I’ll be paying those debts(I quake in fear of having my name put onto the Credit Bureau).

I look back on this weekend, and honestly, for the first time in a long time, feel a slight pang of regret. But only slight you see, for some, if not most of the party animals of this weekend gone by, are still suffering from hangovers from the pits of hell(and I cruelly laugh at them!).

The Moral of this Story?

Never willingly stay at home at the end of the month(especially when free of all adult obligations)!

It sucks.

Balls.

Big Hairy Donkey Balls.

Woohoo….Studying….Groan!

I’ve always wanted to study, there has never been a doubt about it. Other than the simple fact that you need to have tertiary education under your belt in a country where joblessness is a stark reality, but to further myself, to push past a so so matric certificate(where I did the bare minimum of studying), to become someone I dreamed of becoming.

But life happens and ten years later I have have only just had a student loan approved and registered to study. Even a mere two weeks ago I had not planned to start until the beginning of next year, I was being complacent(as I have been in the last ten years). But someone showed me a door and in a moment of clarity I did something.

All choices have pros and cons, and this particular choice, now has me in R20200.00 debt. I have never experienced debt before, at least not where you can be listed on ITC or Experian. The credit bureau didn’t know I existed…well…until now. And this has me a little preturbed as my paranoid mind chooses to remind me often that if I default on even one payment, my non existant credit score will be tarnished forever(Melodramatic arent I?)

The only comfort I am gaining from this is the fact that the loan is for further education, as opposed to a pair of Jimmy Choo’s(I dont think I could live with the guilt – Seriously).

I’d also to like to mention that I am not studying for my “dream” job. I am studying bookkeeping(and BTW anyone that enthusiastically studies numbers is crazy) as a means to an end. I need to double my paygrade, make sure it is in an unsaturated field and have decent hours.

Once I have this under my belt, my education is far from finished as then I am going to pursue my “dream” job. Right now that job/career is to be a psychologist(and I hear screams of laughter from all my friends who know Im “special”). But that is now, perhaps in two years I want to be a yoga instructor, or a travel writer, or a politician(Heaven forbid!). Really all I do know for sure is that I would like to study a ridiculously long time obtain a Doctorate(Yes….thats Dr Romaigne to you!)

I have realized that you are never too old to study(or get a student loan) and never too old to say this is it, this is what I want  be. I believe we can satisfy all aspects of our wants and needs, in due course, of course.

Dont wait until tomorrow to study or begin becoming what you want to become.

Be who you are, work hard at it, change your mind often and do it 100%.

Anything less and you are selling yourself short.