With the year drawing to a close I cannot help but look back, and in true Virgo spirit, analyse it all for all its deeper meaning. Sometimes we have to step back and realize that there is no deeper meaning. That life just is. What you have before you is what you’ve got. But that Virgo keeps on nudging at me, pestering me with:
“What have you LEARNED?”
“Well okay then…I will tell you if you stop nagging ME!” my head and heart respond with exasperation.
Money isn’t everything but it gets you where you need to go.
Funny enough I have reached the financial goal I have wanted to this year. At the end of this month I will be earning the amount of money I set out to earn in March this year.
Is it doing what I thought I’d be doing?
But do you see me telling the universe “Thanks, but no thanks?”
I am grateful that the universe shifted to provide me the income I now have.
I now have the freedom to pay off my debts, to climb my mountains, to buy that damn expensive equipment to climb those mountains!
You will know it when you find your bliss.
I knew it last year and this year was a series of affirmations of that bliss.
Of course it was my mountains.
But you knew that.
What you may or may not know is that I would sell my soul to spend more time in the mountains. In fact, I think I came damn near close to selling my soul doing just that.
For me it is the wholeness I feel while I am up there. It is the fire that is ignited within me.
Mountains are my bliss.
Be in Integrity with yourself.
I’ve floated in and out of this one more than a mosquito has buzzed in and around your face.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that I perhaps haven’t respected myself enough to look after myself. It is difficult saying no to situations that may be harmful. This I know I will still be working on in the new year but I have made leaps and bounds.
I am honestly trying to make an improvement.
Nothing is Forever.
Friendships, friends, family, lovers, emotions, jobs, seasons, moments and memories are all FINITE.
Everything we have around us has an expiry date.
We cannot say how long any of it will last, all we can do is enjoy the experience while we can.
It’s holding onto these things that do damage.
Life is an act of letting go and not controlling the situation or trying to dictate the outcome of a situation. If we cannot remove ourselves from those situations all we can do is give it up to a higher power to help us release.
Happiness is Within.
I won’t always be smiling. And those close to me know that my moods most times are comparable to a bear with a sore toe at best. That I have radical mood swings and I am difficult to live with at the best of times…just ask my ex husband and my mother.
But happiness isn’t a sustained feeling. If happiness were a state of consistency, well it wouldn’t be so wonderful would it. Sometimes it is good to feel a little crappy, so when you see that pink rose blooming in the garden, that when that puppy dog licks you in the face, that when your daughter laughs just because she knows that it is your favourite sound, that’s when happiness is special, a treasure, a treat.
Most of all, our own happiness, that calm from within, that moment when you know life is just as it should be. That’s within.
I’m a Jackass.
Not in a rude or self harming way. But realizing that I too have been capable of fucking things up royally. That I haven’t been the perfect mother or friend or daughter or sister.
That I too, have broken my own copyright and plagiarism rules on occasion.
That I am capable of a bitterness and a vindictiveness that I didn’t know I was capable of. That I have used my words not only to inspire but to hurt.
That I have judged so many of those around me and let others judge.
I am a jackass.
It takes a year for me to get what I want.
But I get it.
Exactly what I want.
All the time.
Listen to your body.
My body like to screw me over when I am screwing my life over.
Every single time.
If I am not looking after myself mentally, emotionally or physically my body throws back bitch slaps of note.
It’s about listening to even the most subtle of messages. Your body is always giving feedback.
I’ve learned that I am fallible and silly, that I won’t live up to anyone else’s standards, especially not my own. That I will never be perfect and I still don’t know exactly where I am headed even if I may have professed to I don’t know how many times this year.
I have learned…and I want to be humble about it because I know that someone out there right now thinks I am full of it. And I probably have been a lot of the time.
Hell, you have to be full of it to write.
Okay Goose…go to bed now and stop overthinking everything dammit!
But not before this:
“Climb if you will, but remember that courage and strength are nought without prudence, and that a momentary negligence may destroy the happiness of a lifetime. Do nothing in haste; look well to each step; and from the beginning think what may be the end.”