We’d all like to think of ourselves as a highly evolved species. We can think and reason, communicate efficiently, make tools and shelter and we can learn and invent and write and create works of art. As humans we also are capable of mass destruction and vindictiveness and of abuse and hate crimes.
Yes, we are a wonderful creation aren’t we?
We think so highly of ourselves and our abilities. We have some much faith in our theories that we think our hearts won’t feel when we ask them to. That we make promises to ourselves and we arrangements with others without thinking them through.
I won’t fall in love.
I won’t get attached.
I will wait.
I’m over it.
It means nothing.
I’m not interested.
I don’t care.
What silly creatures we are.
We are silly human beings aren’t we?
Us women are right up there when it comes to lying to everyone and ourselves about our motives, feelings and intentions. On the outside all is cool, calm and collected but on the inside we are going bat shit crazy with the best and the worst scenarios possible.
And I am speaking here for the small minority of women that might openly agree with what I am writing here because most of you will disagree by saying you are emotionally stable, that you aren’t actually as mentally unstable as the rest of us and you have everything under control.
Who the fuck are you trying to kid?
Unless we possess the power to read everyone’s minds all the time then I have a small suspicion that we might actually want things to be a little more clear.
But I have spoken about this.
What I am loosely talking about is the “Friends with Benefits” scenario.
This is the biggest human lie we have all convinced ourselves of at one time or another.
And I hear someone in the back of the room that disagrees.
You think your situation is working out well for you? Well it isn’t for your fuck buddy.
You think it is being harsh?
A fuck buddy is someone who is used for sexual favours. So you would assume there was a sexual attraction. Let’s take that other word out there as well and keep attraction there.
Because you might bang someone you aren’t attracted to once but you will rarely do so again.
So you and your fuck buddy should at least be attracted to one another.
And attraction leads to feelings and emotions.
It is that awkward moment after when you don’t know whether you should leave or not. Hesitation on either parties part may mean an emotional attachment.
That after sex snuggle that may last too long. That weird hand shake hug wave goodbye at the door.
Someone is going to get BURNED!
So many movies have portrayed this sad human flaw of reasoning yet they continue to lie at the end and have the friends with benefits both realize they were actually head over heels in love with each other the whole time.
One poor fuck is going to be sitting in the dingy corner at the lonely hearts club picking petals from a flower mumbling “She loves me. She loves me not”.
This also goes for any arrangement involving more than two people. Polyamory, polygamy, swinging and affairs.
Firstly if you cannot find fulfilment with the current person, using another person as a band aid in the meantime is not going to work. If you are married to three or four wives someone is bound to feel jealous or snubbed at some point. Swinging implies that you have a shitty sex life and need to find others outside of a relationship to satisfy you, then why are you in the current relationship? Don’t tell me it is because you love them so much. I don’t care who you are. If you really love someone you won’t want to share. Affairs, well someone is clearly not getting what they need from their relationship and are seeking it elsewhere.
We would all like to say that we wouldn’t become emotionally invested in any of these scenarios but a party will not be satisfied, no matter how peachy keen they appear on the outside.
Someone will have their bread buttered on both sides while the other is accepting the stale mouldy bread hoping that one day it will turn into not so stale mouldy bread buttered on one side hopefully…at least.
What makes most of us live these lies is that we choose to live in comfort zones and fantasy worlds.
It is time we develop an all or nothing attitude when it comes to love.
Screw this settling nonsense and using other people as plasters for what is already lacking in our own lives.
You don’t need a fuck buddy.
You need a sex toy.
You need to make time for your partner.
You need to give it your all.
There is no such thing as being emotionally detached.
Unless you are Hannibal Lector.
Then you can eat someones’ brains right out of their skulls while they are still fully conscious.