Strippers and Rebounds

So we all know I haven’t exactly been blogging all the time the past few months…life has been on the go and between work and social I haven’t really found the gap to write all the things I want to write…so while I should actually be studying for an exam later this month…yeah, I am such a rebel…I want to catch up with all the things that have been floating around in my head.

Bachelor Parties a la The Hangover

After the first two installments of the movie “The Hangover”, which has been wildly popular, a trend of pushing the limits and “competing” with the weird, dangerous and wild antics of the movies characters has occurred amongst young men all knowing someone to be married or getting married themselves.

Whilst I have no problem with strippers and having fun there is a fine line between fun and recklessness. Many men and women alike have the idea that because it is someones bachelors/bachelorettes that they can get out of hand and lose control and use the excuse that it was all in the spirit of the party. Most of these “hooligans” are in fact in relationships or married themselves.

There are a few things I have to say about this…

If you behave in such a way that you would never behave like in front of your partner or spouse then you are not meant to be in a relationship. It is as simple as that. It does not matter whether your partner is uptight or not, it means that you are not fully being you and that is not fair to yourself and your partner.

Have some integrity. If you say you are coming home at 2am…then come home at 2am. Because these parties do get out of hand there is alot of reason for your partner to be concerned about your whereabouts and it does not help if you pitch later than agreed to. Put yourself in their shoes…would you like to be at home worried about your partner at 3am in the morning…when you have no idea where or what they are doing and you are unable to reach them? Exactly.

It’s called Integrity…and we can all learn…even myself.

Rebounds

I’ve had alot of time to reflect and think in the last few months…well I always do…but I have gained perspective on a few things that are worth mentioning. 

“ A “rebound relationship” is one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce.”

Looking back on my behaviour since my divorce last year it is clear now that I clearly fell into the rebound trap. As much as I would’ve liked it not to be, especially at the time, it was.

I went straight from a divorce into a relationship with The Rocketeer. At the time he was the one concerned that he might be the “rebound”, which obviously told him he wasn’t. But looking back he was. I ran into something I was clearly not ready for. I was an emotional wreck at the time and didn’t even realize it. Coming from a “cold” relationship it was difficult for me to know what emotions I was feeling let alone how to express those emotions.

We rarely dealt with “feelings” or spoke about them and when we did, I realize now that I remained aloof and cold, trying not to express anything…I was petrified of being hurt and so I distanced myself and effectively became a prop in the relationship. I left all the decisions up to him…how often we saw each other…how often we spoke…what we did…and whom we did it with.

I’ve come to accept that relationship for what it was…I did fall in love…but the relationship itself was unhealthy. When the Rocketeer did end the relationship it wasn’t entirely a shock, it hurt like hell, and it took a while to heal and there were tears, but looking back I saw it for what it was. I can only wish him all the best.

It took a few months for me to be with me…to dive into my friendships and into enjoying life as a single woman. I think I pretty much successfully did that…sometimes the brakes fell off…sometimes they weren’t even there. But I had to find out who I was without having someone that I could lose myself to or use a relationship to distract me from issues that I needed to deal with.

Although I am not 100% there I am learning…not only about myself but also how to deal with others…how to be a little warmer and affectionate. One step at a time.

That being said I am currently in a relationship with a Vegetarian…someone that I do enjoy whiling the hours away with, someone that I am slowly learning how to be affectionate with.

Life is Awesome.

Xxxxx

The “Ho Code”

There is nothing like some emotional pain to inspire a blogger is there? Well it obvious for me that it gets my juices flowing. I don’t think I have ever written three posts in one day.

This is an update on my mission to get shitfaced last night.

I did indeed get motherless, tanked, whatever. All my facebook friends will confirm this by the growing frequency of incoherent posts. But let’s start where we left off shall we.

Goose gets her ass dumped. Goose decides to get motherless. So I Call up my gal pal Minki, whom I will say I am truly sorry for putting you in the middle here, as a long time friend to you know who, it can’t be easy to deal with. So with her on board the “lets get shitfaced train” it was a matter of what to drink, where to sleep, etc.

I guess the point of getting totally wasted is to be somewhat irresponsible, well, I was responsibly irresponsible. The first decision and arrangement I made was to make sure my daughter was in the safe hands of her father. Secondly I called my sister and asked her to play Designated Dan. She not only agreed to drop me at Minki’s but to also collect my drunk ass once I was done getting sloshed.

It was off to the bottle store where the clerk really shouldn’t have, but did, asked how he could help. Well me being ever so “tactful” replied:

“How can I get shitfaced on R200?”

Well the look on his face. He helped me out though. I ended up with a 2l Bottle of Four Cousins Rose’, a 1.5l Box of Cranberry ad Vodka mix and the cheapshit version of Lovoka Caramel Vodka(which actually tastes better than Lovoka itself).

And then I went and did something totally responsible(yes, yes…cue the shock, the awe and the horror). I got headache tablets(Anadin 500) and essentiales(liver tablets). And I hear you ask why would I do something like that in light of whats happened? Well, I had to come into work today, which sucks hairy monkey balls, and as much as I wanted a head splitting headache, I got over it.

Add to the dreaded responsible list, but being as miff as I was I hadn’t eaten the whole day(I’m one of those lucky bitches that loses their appetite when depro) I got not one but two McDonalds Junior Cheese Burgers to line my stomach.

So off I went on my mission to get pissed, being all responsible like, and I get a bbm from you know who. All it said was this “Dont drive Tonight”. Thanks point taken. I was actually considering hijacking a Boeing 747 and crashing it into the Drakensburg Mountains, but I won’t now. Really? I have a daughter whom I love very much and I still want to be her mother for a long time still. So no reckless driving for me, you can bet your sweet ass that I have learnt that lesson.

Okay okay, that was a bit of a dig, but you can’t expect me to be all sunshine and roses now.

So I get to my sister, have a quick post mortem with her and then it was off to Minki’s. Get to Minx and while she is cooking up a storm for the family we begin to dissect the situation. Happiness was the one, two….and three we got to do in the backyard with Evan(stop with your dirty minds!)

I might not have been broken up with in a whole ten years, but there is a “Ho Code” and this entails a detailed breakdown of events up to and including “The Break Up”. Lots of alcohol is always involved, so is there a lot of hugs, sorries, what went wrongs and so on and so forth. The “ho” that’s been broken up with is allowed to choose what music is played and the “ho” handling the situation has a few jobs:

Make sure “ho” gets totally hammered. Respond every now and then with an appropriate “Im sorry” or “That Bastard”. Give hugs when neccessary. Supply more alcohol. Cry with “ho”. Laugh with “ho”…..etc etc etc.

Minki you followed the ”Ho Code” to the letter. I love you for it. And between you and me, them furry walls rock!

To top the evening off I puked. What’s a good dronk verdriet evening without puking? I wouldve stayed later but Minki had work the next day, so my sister came to pick me up and I went to her place, cried a little, went sleep and then woke up at the ungodly time of 5am, cried some more, pulled myself as best together as possible. Got my pills from Minks and off to work.

The writing has been somewaht cathartic, it’s my way of dealing I guess, and I’m sure I’ll put my big girl panties on soon enough and get over it.

The First Time in Ten Years…

I’ve been staring at an empty page for almost an hour now…the words are hard to come by. There is just too much going through my mind and my heart at the moment. The problem is I’ve never really gotten personal with my blogs. I tend to keep my friends, my private life and my emotions out of what I write. Some things are meant to be kept in your memories alone.

At the same time I cannot not write about how it was is happening in this particular case. I won’t go into details. And I’m not looking for sympathy.

Tonight I am going to get completely shitfaced. Completely and utterly fucked. So much so that I’m praying for a blank, a blackout, a blur. And tomorrow when I go to work I want to have the most epic hangover ever, I want my head to pound so loudly that I can’t even think straight.

I don’t know what I’m going to do after that…maybe hibernate, contemplate life, who knows…

I guess you want to know why?

Well, the long and the short of it is this: I got dumped.

Peace out.

 

 

Happy New Year!

I’d like to say I’ve been too terribly busy to write a new years post…but it’s more like it has taken me 4 days to recover from the New Years Party. Not that there were loads of people, it was actually just a small crowd, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t rip the ring out of it.

The party was hosted at Minki’s house and began with a”tame” game of 30 seconds…well not really…we had to add a drinking rule and that we did. There were alot of good laughs with the men pitted against the women. At one stage us girls “threw” a couple of rounds just so that we could drink a little more. As for who won? Well the women of course. Not to say that the men didn’t make a valiant effort.

There was drinking,laughter, dancing, a fire that kicked ass until the heavens decided to open and a frank kitchen discussion that had the Minkster(www.minkipraat.wordpress.com) blushing. As the clock struck we all had sparklers thanks to Minks…a cute little touch that was pretty awesome…although I was unable to light mine(I’m blaming the alcohol here). There was an escapade in a car that has left my shoulder a little bruised and a game of Kings that left a table cloth stained with wine.

I fiercely maintain that the bigger the hangover is…the better the party…well this one was huge, all of us suffered on the first day of the year. It was really and truly awesome to lie in the sun and bake, heads pounding, having the occasional dip in the pool and then later to chill and watch the sometimes if not gross antics of “Kenny vs Spenny”(although that didnt help any of our stomachs much when it came to the humiliations).

Regardless of how you bought in the New Year I do hope it was a happy one. If you’ve made resolutions I hope you can stick to them, and even if you don’t, it’s never too late to change no matter what day of the year. Take each day as it comes, some may be spectacularly great and some may be spectacularly bad. There will be changes and some things will remain the same.

If anything this year, resolve to live each day as if it were your last. Get things done, smile, cry, do what needs to be done. Help a friend, ask for help. Take chances, start a retirement fund, skydive, get married, get divorced…dance until your feet are broken, laugh until you cannot speak, open up to the experiences this year has for you.

Happy New Year!

 

The Last Hangover…

…at least for  2011 that is.

Yes, I went out, I had a couple too many and I have a hangover. But it is the season to be jolly and so I am making the most of it…sort of. I wasnt in the best of moods. And if I havent already mentioned it. I miss my daughter something terrible. This is the longest by far I have ever gone without seeing her and it is almost killing me. If it werent for her sweet voice over the phone everyday I am sure her prolonged absense would have killed me.

This will also most likely be my last post….

…come now, for this year I mean.

So let me reflect, not too much but a little bit.

By far an Awesome year. By far one of the best years so far in my life. Yes there were tough times, but honestly, this year was a renewal. I found out who I was(and learning more about me everyday). I am enjoying life, and by golly, if that means that sometimes I drink a little bit in excess and get into a spot of trouble here and there, then so be it.

I’d like to think I am a good mother. I’d like to think that I am doing my best. And there may be people who disagree with me, there may be people who want nothing to do with me for it, or look down upon me for my ways. We aren’t perfect and we can only do the best that we can with the knowledge we have.

For the first time in my life I have had to budget, really think about and plan for the future. I have had months where I have literally scraped by, and months where I was able to spoil myself and my daughter a little.

2011 has been the year of friends for me. I have made many on my adventures, from ABC with Roshni and the girls at 5am in the morning 5 days a week in winter. To The Dogg Boxe gym where I learned some MMA and Kickboxing to the pubs and clubs of Boksburg and Benoni.

To the friends that have been there for me, thank you…you mean the world to me!

An incredible year of reconnections, with family and with friends I have not seen since high school.To my mother and sister that welcomed me back with open arms after I shut them out from my life.

To my Minki…dudette…you have helped me overcome so much this year…without you how would I know what the steps of going through a break up/divorce were?

To Jaco…your optimism and enthusiasm is infectious and your never say die attitude is what I admire most about you. I’ve learned from you that if you are going to do something you need to put yourself 100% behind it…I’m still learning…but I think I am getting there.

Schalk…Mr Tang…really….where and who would the Goose be if you had not named her? You taught me that you can in fact have a full blown conversation consisting only of sarcasm and get away with it….dont worry I won’t get mushy dude…I dont want to tarnish your Street Cred

To the friends I have met online/or whom I communicate with online. Sez for encouraging me to start the blog. Ski for for showing me no matter how dire your situation you can always smile. To Gaza, my agony uncle, for telling me just how paranoid I am being, which is far too often, and telling me to get the fuck back down to earth. To the facebookers that have liked my sometimes really kak statuses and to my blog followers…for actually being interested in this sometimes not well persons life and taking the time to read through what I have to write.

To Sam…although we only see each other every now and then…your advice was invaluable to me, even while doing Burpees and push ups and for the love of God running. We still need to go for that glass of wine.

Charisse…for putting up with all of my shit…the good, the bad and the ugly…for not judging me, for not kicking me in the ass AND for kicking me in the ass at the appropirate times.

To Emma…for taking this crazy little fledgling on her first couple of jols after moving away from her ex. I dont know how you put up with me.

To Tamzin and Revell for being my “Escape”…for all the crazy stuff that happens in Springs!

Dear Lord…this is starting to sound like an Oscar Winner Speech…way too mushy and way too long!

And fuck yes I am crying…because as uncool and cliche as it sounds this year I did win…I have the most wonderful, beautiful daughter. A supportive loving family. A great boyfriend and awesome friends. And if that isn’t winning then I am really cooked.

I know I havent mentioned everybody….hell there are too many of you to mention…but if I have met you, you have touched my life and made it that little bit brighter.

I can’t think of a better way to end my last post of the year with the below quote:

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

 

 P.S. I know my grammar isnt 100% in this one but Im far too emotional to give a shit.

Roadblocks and Shooters

Christmas Eve and I am still recovering from Thursday evening, yesterday I was much too hungover to even contemplate writing about my misadventures.

A little breakdown on the week thus far. I had my baby girl with me and we spent some quality time with family, we also had an early Christmas for her in Jozi, due to the fact that she is spending the “real” Christmas day with her father at the coast. I wasn’t entirely happy about the situation and I miss my girl like crazy but I have to accept the fact that this is what it is going to be like for a very long time. I had to take her to the airport with my ex mother in law and I was very emotional to say the least.

Arrangements were made to see the boyfriend, but due to unforeseen circumstances and a broken pinkie he was unable to make it. On top of having had to say goodbye to my daughter I wasn’t in the best of moods. So my sister and I arranged for a bit of a night out. Her boyfriend, Duff, is in Scotland for the Christmas and New Year period.

We started our evening off at Cool Runnings but quickly left as we felt a little “old” for the crowd that was there…this led to us going to Tappetville(aka Hi Flyers), where we had a couple of drinks. We were soon ready to leave there as well, as I couldn’t much stand seeing so many scrawny guys wearing Tapout and UFC shirts….boys are you trying to compensate for something?

We then met up with Mr and Mrs Lavis and then did what any self respecting Boksburger would do(thought to be honest the only current resident of Boksburg is my sister) and got horribly drunk…it all started with Ponchos tequila, then Suitcases(Jack Daniels and Passion Fruit shooters) and copious amounts of Springbokkies(Amarula and Peppermint liquer shooters). I

Needless to say there are blanks(again!). But overall a “Moerse Jol”(huge party).

Eventually at God knows what hour it was time to go home, and though we rarely do this we had to drive completely and utterly under the influence of what feels like the whole bar. I am never proud to do this as I know there are dire consequences to drinking and driving.

Such was the case on this evening, as at 3am sometime that morning while my sister and I were driving home we drove straight into a roadblock and were told to pull over.

At this time I knew we were fucked. I was smashed, wasted, pissed and fubar(fucked up beyond all recognition). And as I pulled straight onto the pavement I started preparing myself for my first ass raping in jail.

The officer peered into the car and asked where we were going, to which I said I was taking my sister home, he then asked for my drivers licence and after some scrambling through the “Black Hole”(my handbag which seems to eat everything I put in there) I found it and passed it to the officer. He had a look and handed it back to me….and then….

He told us we could be on our way.

WHAT!?

I literally did a double, no triple take. I wanted to, for a very brief second, grab the officer and shake him rudely shouting “Can you not SEE how drunk we are?”. But that was maybe a split second. I hastily(okay, maybe not so hastily) pulled away, where my sister and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. And then we did what anyone would do straight after having a brush with the law….we went to McDonalds and ordered 10 freaking chicken burgers? Err…yes…we are still tryng to figure that one out…but I think it had something to do with telling the poor staff of our ordeal with the law.

Next morning I woke up head pounding and stomach churning. My sister was dreadfully late for work and had to have an ice cold shower as I had neglected to put the geyser on the evening before. It made my morning listening to her hungover shrieks as she attempted to shower.

I also had to work…and it was the most dreadful time of my life. It was hot and I was sweating alcohol from every pore in my body. Needless to say it was a very unproductive day. Thank God for the chicken burgers though…they really did hit the right spot.

Friday evening began with my sister and I trying the “Old Hair of Dog” remedy, but after it took 2 hours to drink my daquiri I gave up. We turned to getting dvds, but the Postma sisters have impeccable timing and we drove through a torrential downpour and got pretty wet getting the movies…btw…”Resident” with Hilary Swank is a super freaking horrible creepy movie, if you haven’t seen it go get it.

Today I still feel like crap…I’m hoping to feel better after some breakfast.

PS: We are convinced that the only reason the police did not in fact arrest me is because I was taking my sister home, which implied that I was sober, dragged out of bed to come fetch my lush of a family member from the pub. We have now concluded that from now on when we do get horribly drunk there will be a set of pajamas, gown and slippers put on before leaving said pub, so as to make this story more legible.

PPS: No really, we do know the dangers of drinking and driving…don’t do it, it’s really bad for you and the other drivers on the road.

Rocketeering, Gangsta’s, and a Birthday…

So…I didn’t end up at the coast. After an emotional evening it was decided I would remain in Jozi…Woohoo!

It been a pretty eventful time since deciding to stay up here and all of it good…no…awesome.

Friday the 16th was my sisters birthday, so we had a good old fashioned piss up…you know…the one where you start dancing and singing along to Bon Jovi…there was also a little bit of karaoke but I do believe that I broke the machine or a few eardrums…I can’t be too sure which. It was a great time, a bit wild, but with a few Scots in the mix, it always tends to get a little bit crazy.I was also almost involved in a cage fight with my god brother…but I decided to save him the embarassment of having his ass kicked by a girl.

Saturday I was invited to witness Schalk and Jaco’s Rocketeering(to catch up on previous episodes you can check it out @    http://www.youtube.com/user/Groendakkies).

Put simply, they cook homemade rocket fuel, drink alot and then attempt to launch, up to this point the rocket has had performance problems, but really, the making of it is hysterical. And live it is so much better.

I think it has already been established that The Wild West has no brakes. And as always, this time was no different. A game of Kings got us nicely stukkend, especially when the ‘strafdop’ (penalty drink) is a mix of Sambuca and Tequila Jack. There were also other shooters but they were avoided like the plague(by me at least). The rest of the evening was mostly talking(of which I was mostly to blame…apparently I can talk ALOT).

Which reminds me of a famous quote…Silence is Golden, Duct tape is Silver…and I am sure that Jaco, Schalk and Marius would have loved to have used some duct tape to shut me up that night.

The next morning we were rudely awakened by the fact that Silent Bob’s wallet was missing. After an endless search for said wallet,i was eventuall recovered and Bob could smile again. Jaco prepped the rockets while his super enthusiastic partner, Schalk, did as little as possible….his ass was glued to the La Z Boy the entire morning. I found it difficult to get up myself. In fact it was difficult to do anything from lying still, sitting still, talking, not talking, eating, not eating…everything I did was a sad attempt…

After preparations we could leave and shoot some rockets. Let me tell you, you get some really weird and concerned looks from people when driving by with a rocket in your hand(can anyone say Terrorist much?). We went to a remote area give or take 10km from Roodepoort…but more on the give side…and boy was it a scorcher…why we actully needed to ingite the rockets is beyond me, that’s how hot it was.

Rocket number One was an explosive, and we were pretty lucky not to be hit by shrapnel(the closest piece must’ve been around 2m from where we were standing). The next rocket the men were able to “launch” 3 times. Once there was a little airtime for the rocket, the other two launches were more about making a “big boom”. I must say there is alot of fun in the ‘uncertainty’ of shooting homemade rockets. You feel young and somewhat reckless and obviously there is an element of danger. But please kids…do not try this at home…

Better luck next time boys.

As tired as I was I did not get lost whatsoever coming back from Roodepoort. So all in all a weekend without getting lost…HUGE SUCCESS!

Is it too gushy to say tha I’m loving life at the moment?

Well I am.

Only One Way Out…………Flat Out!

Yes indeed, another week has seen it ass and the weekend is upon us. Not only that but it is exactly a month until Christmas and 37 days until the New Year.

Can I hear a Wooohooo!

With so little left of this year I urge you to go out and make the most of it while you still can. If you have had a miserable year, now is the time to turn it around and do something fantastic for yourself. It is your mindset that matters, make it worthwhile!

As for me, well plans have been laid out this weekend and I am ALMOST ashamed to say it is going to be one of complete and utter debauchery.

Tonight the goose will be cooking a meal in the Wild West. Yes, this blonde is going to be working in a kitchen. So if you perhaps see smoke on the western horizon this evening, it’s most likely that I’ve blown Roodepoort up. I’ve also asked Jaco to have an appetite, he will need it if he is going to have to eat a plate of my food. All that I am hoping for(other than stuffing dinner up) is not to get lost either way. But just in case, I filled my petrol tank(who knows when I might accidentally find myself in Bloemfontein).

Tomorrow is the Big One…a dear friend, Schalk, is celebrating his birthday and I have been warned to bring my “A game”(And I know he means business as his “breakfast” this morning was a shot of Tequila, Jagermeister and Red Bull). Yes he plans to make a party out of the entire weekend(No,one day isnt good enough for the Shalkinator, he has to rip the ring out of the WHOLE weekend!)

Well my first priority is to make sure I survive The West, and if I do my partner in crime(the one and only Minkster) and I are planning some serious shopping. Tomorrow the Malls should be afraid, very afraid…no…DEATHLY afraid!

I’m only hoping that I do not get lost in, dare I say it….Kempton Park(you know, that town where you have to check in your shoes before entering). But I have Minx to help me navigate.

And seeing as the party is starting in Kempton it can only mean downhill from there.

Guys and girls I can only hope I make it out of this Weekend in one piece. And with that said, there is only one thing left to say:

“Hasta La Vista, Baby!”

Keep on Rollin’

After Friday afternoon’s dilemma, I must say the weekend was well worth the hangover I experienced yesterday.

Friday evening was pretty mellow considering the drink we had, can you say PO10C? I dont know why we even force ourselves to drink something that looks like methylated spirits and has much to be desired in the taste department. But we did it, we drank the bottle. We also had meaningful gal pal chats and good old fashioned dancing. It was also on Friday evening that I realized that I need to start putting my debit card into my purse, as opposed to dumping it into my handbag, which I may fear is also black hole(I am forever searching for something in there, amongst the cash slips and make up and cards and chargers and jewellary, you name it, it’s in there, somewhere). And you know its particularly bad when you won’t even let your boyfriend have a peek inside(I kid you not).

What was particularly interesting was the fact that, for the first time in a long time, my mother and I had a true heart to heart, and for those of you who dont know me, this is pretty big, especiall at 12am a night. Mom, thank you for lending me your ear, it is much appreciated.

I woke up the next morning, somewhere between a hangover and not feeling too bad. The worst being I was up at 6am, and that I had to work that morning. The best about it, having a little sister to make you a cup of coffee.

Work went as it always does on a Saturday…painfully. I tried to while away the hours by actually doing some cleaning, yes I did, I actually mopped floors…[insert startled surprise here]. I’d also like to say thank you to the genius who brought us www.stumbleupon.com , there is no better way to surf the net than stumbling.

After work and a little bit of hurried preparation, it was off to the Wild West again. It was third time lucky for me as I managed not to get lost going there (Fist Bump if you please). I knew we were in for an evening when I was greeted by not only Jaco but also Marius and Schalk. One of the toughest decisions that afternoon had to be whether or not to buy a bottle of tequila. But while we stood there we all seemed to realize it was a really bad idea. So we got another bottle of Vodka instead.

The plans for that evening were simple. Go to the drive in(which I hadn’t been to in at least 20 years), have some drinks, watch the movies and then go home. Nothing is ever that simple though, is it?

We arrived an hour early, obviously to get a decent “parking”, which we did. We all had ourselves drinks and with a couple of blankets, a bean bag and a few pillows we were set. The radio was tuned into the correct frequency and all we had to do was wait. The movies that evening happened to be ”Three Musketeers” and someting to do with love…I cant quite remember the full title. Now I’m not too sure but sometime before the movie began we stumbled upon a dire fact. The fact that Schalks battery as flat, his car battery. It seems not only the radio but an annoying light in the boot of the car that refused to go off were the culprits.

Now everyone must’ve had his happen to them at least once. It is not fun, and it is made much worse when you realize that you have to push start the vehicle in the middle of a Drive In(Blind One), amongst hundreds of other people(Blind Two) and you aren’t quite sober(Blind Three).

Back to this a little later.

We were still adamant to watch the Musketeers movie, the only downside being we had to strain to listen to it from the vehicle next door. It was probably in th first 5 minutes that we realized(at least from my point of view) that this movie was going to be kak. Other than the appearances of Mila Jovovich and John Malkovich, the rest of the cast and the acting was somewhat lack lustre and undeserving of our attention. So we did what any good samaritans do and spoke(if not bellowed) to one another about various “taboo” subjects throughout the movie(well we actually werent ther long enough to see the whole movie but you get the point).

Schalkatang seems to be a very appropriate nickname for Mr Lavis as he demonstrated his simian like skills by throwing stones at Jaco using only his feet. Marius showed us that silence is indeed a weapon(cause that is how he rolls). And Jaco, well, what is there to say about him? Other than being able to easily give me a piggy back to the drive-in bathrooms(I may be a skinny bitch but I am not petite so it is pretty cool that someone can pick me up and carry me a few hundred metres without dropping me or falling over.) but his sense of humour and his enthusiasm are second to none.

Come to think of it, who needs to watch a movie about three musketeers when you are in the very presence of a few.

About half way through the movie it became blatantly apparent that we were just not going to watch the rest of it, so we decided to hit the road. This meant being push started halfway through a movie wiht a ton of onlooker. I did as any woman would do, I promply got into the car and hid my face so as not to be recognised.

I believe all that were in earshot of us were happy to see us leave. Push start and all.

The rest of the evening was indeed very memorable, which I can honestly say, is a welcome change when visiting the West.

The next morning there was an attempt at “cliff diving” which did not go too well. Jaco made a dive but the rest of us were not too interested in getting frostbite(among other things). Due to our hangovers we were also not very inspired and I wore the personality of a rock(merely talking was enough to have my grey matter smoking from the effort).

After an attempt at watching Pirates of the Caribbean and a nap I had to head back to Boksburg….

…..but a trip to the Wild West would not be complete without my getting lost now would it? Indeed I did. And not only once. I found myself in Van Der Bijl Park, then Kibler Park then in the middle of Johannesburg and then in Germistion before eventually coming out in Boksburg. I tell you I was in no mood for it, especially on top of my hangover.

Other than that, the weekend rocked, I loved every minute of it. And although things may no have worked out as planned I’d like to think the journey counts just as much as the destination.

WTF…What a Weekend!

So the weekend has come and gone, it is already Wednesday and I haven’t yet posted a word.

The reason behind this simple. I really and truly have not been able to find the time to even look at the laptop these last few days and honestly, now I should be catching up a pile of work instead of writing. But here I am, so let us get this over and done with.

FRIDAY NIGHT/EAST MEETS WEST PART 2

Friday evening after work I prepared for another trip to the west, to visit my boyfriend, Jaco. This time I asked him for directions, in the hopes of not getting lost. But it seems directions and myself will never quite get along, that or the weather, because the heavens decided to open up and I had to drive in a torrential downpour. I took a turn too early and found myself lost once again. Thankfully, it happened to be in the same place I was lost before so I miraculously managed to find myself at the correct complex. I was also very happy with the timing I made, despite getting lost I managed to be there in under an hour.

I was treated to an awesome dinner including steak, roast mushrooms, salad and rice(everything was well done although the rice could’ve faired better). My after dinner treat, was not dessert, and when I think of it now, it makes my stomach turn, was a youtube clip of a cyst being lanced. Ladies and gentlemen, it seems I have a strong stomach for the vile and disgusting.

The evening went very well despite the slight lack of memory I had for a short period of the evening(we won’t mention the bottle of Lavoka, the bit of Sambuca and the bottle of Wine that were consumed by only the two uf us). Hey,  I was even treated to a vegetarian omelette the next day(I really wish I could’ve eaten more than I had, but my stomach was in no mood).

One note on hangovers: if you’re head is pounding, take a couple of “Anadin 500″, you’ll be up and at it in no time.

SATURDAY/MINKI’S 30th 80′s BIRTHDAY PARTY

How it pained me to keep a secret from her, I had to. There is nothing better than a surprise birthday party. It was 80′s themed and I appropriately dressed like an 80′s hooker. Minki I so loved your pink nails(evil grin).

Other than a bit of drama(insert handbrake here) everyone came out alive, some with a few scratches, others with severe babalaas, and some a bit more and even fewer a bit less. And if you had to view the success of a party by the amount of alcohol consumed, well then this one would be up there with the best.

I do take my hat of to Allison Montgomery Maaske for everything she pulled off, the party and decorations were fantastic, the music also appropriately themed, an awesome sister to have, the Montgomeries really did pull it off. Minkster, you better be proud!

A trip to Nicci Beach followed, in fact a couple, can you say lost in plantation(including a near bundu bash in a polo)? There was much dancing to be done and you know its a good one when they kick you out. Also worth mentioning was a man that gave me R100 for he boyfriend I had( can anyone say weirdo?)

The only one left standing, no dancing, well into the Sunday morning was no other than Allison “Party Animal” Monteomery. What the rest f us did on hitting the couches? PASS OUT!

SUNDAY/THE HANGOVER

As a parent it never ceases to amaze me, that on my weekends off I will wake up with barely two hours sleep behind me. In fact, I think this is in fact a curse among all us parents, as we were all up and about my 9am.

Let’s just say that the word Hangover does not cut it.

I cannot remember when last I have felt so exhausted and bilious in my entire life. My cousin used to refer to a hangover like a sadistic man with a very large sledgehammer, one that wouldn’t stop pounding at your head. That is probably the closest I am able to define it. With every step I took, even when I slept, the pounding never quite went away that day.

That afternoon, when I collected my daughter, disaster struck.

She started bleeding from her mouth, and after her tonsillectomy last week, this was not a good sign. We took her to the hospital where it took three quarters of an hour to get admitted to the casualty/emergency ward(really, with a three year old in your arms, blood coming from her mouth and you still made us wait that long?) Once we were admitted and waiting for a doctor to grace us with their presence, Dayna vomited buckets of blood all over my ex. Promise me it looked like something from a horror movie. Well yes I lost it then, I went ballistic, I cried, I panicked, it was the worst moment of my life.

Turns out blood clots had formed on the operation site and these clots had dislodged and collected in her stomach. We werent aware of it as there were no outward signs of this. It was a close call for a blood transfusion and a few days worth in a hospital. Nothing quite makes you feel as horrid as seeing your child lie helpless in a hospital bed and there is nothing you can do.

Yesterday morning she was given the all clear and ready to go home. I was also immensely relieved to see my own home, my own bed and especially my daughter in high spirits.

What a long, crazy weekend.