So we all know I haven’t exactly been blogging all the time the past few months…life has been on the go and between work and social I haven’t really found the gap to write all the things I want to write…so while I should actually be studying for an exam later this month…yeah, I am such a rebel…I want to catch up with all the things that have been floating around in my head.
Bachelor Parties a la The Hangover
After the first two installments of the movie “The Hangover”, which has been wildly popular, a trend of pushing the limits and “competing” with the weird, dangerous and wild antics of the movies characters has occurred amongst young men all knowing someone to be married or getting married themselves.
Whilst I have no problem with strippers and having fun there is a fine line between fun and recklessness. Many men and women alike have the idea that because it is someones bachelors/bachelorettes that they can get out of hand and lose control and use the excuse that it was all in the spirit of the party. Most of these “hooligans” are in fact in relationships or married themselves.
There are a few things I have to say about this…
If you behave in such a way that you would never behave like in front of your partner or spouse then you are not meant to be in a relationship. It is as simple as that. It does not matter whether your partner is uptight or not, it means that you are not fully being you and that is not fair to yourself and your partner.
Have some integrity. If you say you are coming home at 2am…then come home at 2am. Because these parties do get out of hand there is alot of reason for your partner to be concerned about your whereabouts and it does not help if you pitch later than agreed to. Put yourself in their shoes…would you like to be at home worried about your partner at 3am in the morning…when you have no idea where or what they are doing and you are unable to reach them? Exactly.
It’s called Integrity…and we can all learn…even myself.
I’ve had alot of time to reflect and think in the last few months…well I always do…but I have gained perspective on a few things that are worth mentioning.
“ A “rebound relationship” is one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce.”
Looking back on my behaviour since my divorce last year it is clear now that I clearly fell into the rebound trap. As much as I would’ve liked it not to be, especially at the time, it was.
I went straight from a divorce into a relationship with The Rocketeer. At the time he was the one concerned that he might be the “rebound”, which obviously told him he wasn’t. But looking back he was. I ran into something I was clearly not ready for. I was an emotional wreck at the time and didn’t even realize it. Coming from a “cold” relationship it was difficult for me to know what emotions I was feeling let alone how to express those emotions.
We rarely dealt with “feelings” or spoke about them and when we did, I realize now that I remained aloof and cold, trying not to express anything…I was petrified of being hurt and so I distanced myself and effectively became a prop in the relationship. I left all the decisions up to him…how often we saw each other…how often we spoke…what we did…and whom we did it with.
I’ve come to accept that relationship for what it was…I did fall in love…but the relationship itself was unhealthy. When the Rocketeer did end the relationship it wasn’t entirely a shock, it hurt like hell, and it took a while to heal and there were tears, but looking back I saw it for what it was. I can only wish him all the best.
It took a few months for me to be with me…to dive into my friendships and into enjoying life as a single woman. I think I pretty much successfully did that…sometimes the brakes fell off…sometimes they weren’t even there. But I had to find out who I was without having someone that I could lose myself to or use a relationship to distract me from issues that I needed to deal with.
Although I am not 100% there I am learning…not only about myself but also how to deal with others…how to be a little warmer and affectionate. One step at a time.
That being said I am currently in a relationship with a Vegetarian…someone that I do enjoy whiling the hours away with, someone that I am slowly learning how to be affectionate with.
Life is Awesome.