The Gorge

How often is it that you find yourself driving through a remote area and caught yourself wondering: “What the hell does anyone do here?”

We are so often caught up with the road in front of us that we hardly take a step back to see what we have around us, taking a road less travelled and perhaps being pleasantly surprised with what we may find.

Our weekend to the Drakensberg was just such a weekend. Finding interesting little areas off the beaten track and finding out not only about ourselves but also a little more about the area.

This weekends’ trip with Soul Adventures started with some eggs on toast just off the highway in Harrismith, a sleepy little town that I think relies heavily off of the rest stop where we were eating. It had been quite a cold week in South Africa, we are now well into Autumn and this was confirmed as we drove onto a lesser taken road into the Drakensberg. There was snow capping the very peaks of the “Berg”, it may be a little early for snow, but the view was spectacular.

Yeah, I was a little girl again, going back home.

We met up with a couple, a lovely German lady and a Tanzanian gentleman, at little spot in the middle of the Berg(we’ll get there later). Then we were off the The Royal Natal Park for our hike for the day.

Not only is hiking to the top of the Berg a great experience but to walk the Gorge, the bottom of the Berg and to see the Worlds Second Highest Waterfall dropping from 1000m(1km) above you is altogether astounding.

Perhaps one of the best hikes in the Drakensberg as it can be easily accomplished in one day(around 14km in total) you find yourself walking along the riverbank, through forests and grassy plains, which so well depict the different biospheres the Berg accomodates.

For me the Forests were the highlight, you almost know that nymphs and river sprites are watching you from behind mossy outcrops of rocks and little waterfalls that create rainbows of ligh tin their wake. Also if you are lucky you may spot some of the local wildlife, gazelle and of course baboons, but a wide range of bird life as well.

On most of the journey you have the sounds of the river next to you, sometimes loud and powerful, sometimes hushed and soothing. Again the waters are fresh and pure, perfect for drinknig along the hike, most rejuvenating, not only physically but also spiritually.

We ended our journey into the gorge with a 30m abseil into the rivers. A little scary but completely exhilirating, if one could be suspended there for the entire day it wouldnt be long enough.

We made our way out and on the road again to find our accomodations in Swinburne, with some of the best rock climbing and bouldering I have at least ever seen.

That evening we stayed in a converted barn, a little upgrade from the usual tent accomodations, lovely because we had rafters from which to hang about and practise our belaying and abseiling techniques. All of course being done while we were sipping on some Sherry to keep the cold at bay.

We were all fairly early into bed, but not all of us slept, I perhaps managed an hour or two, but that isn’t unusual for me out there in the wilderness, and not that I mind.

We woke early to sunrise over the fields and rocky outcroppings surrounding us, with horses in paddocks and the locals making their daily run to the local town for supplies. The air was crisp as we had our morning coffee and muesli, all of us preparing for the day of rock climbing ahead of us.

It was only a short brisk hike up to the first bit of Bouldering for the day, a warm up for the dragons that lay ahead. For me a lot of fun, practising my belaying and rock climbing techniques, absorbing the sun and watching whilst others attacked the rock faces.

By this time our expert rock climber, Jonathan, was leading up the Spear, a somewhat intimdating rock with a vertical face looking about as pleasant as a gunshot to the foot. He made it all the way to the top, looking like a speck in contrast to the mighty Spear.

Next up, a Polish woman  whom I think was bred for this, she made her way swiflty up the rock, resembling a gecko, I was beyond impressed and in awe. We all had our turns up this face, including me. I may not have reached the top, coming away largely humbled and a little bit defeated. In the end par for the course.

One of the most rattling experiences is having to belay someone else, you know what to do and how to do it, but you know that that person is relying on you to have them if something goes wrong. You have to have confidence.

It’s amazing to see what the human body is capable of, finding ways up rock faces that look sheer. A great thing to witness when someone reaches the top triumphant.

Once we were done rock climbing it was off to our accomodation for that evening, where , even though we were sleeping in tents, we had access to hot showers, green lawns, and most importantly a Jacuzzi.

Our rock climbing expert Jonathan made us a chicken potjie to kill for(and by this I mean we were all ravenous and would’ve killed him had it not been ready a minute sooner).

The african experience:

A sky full of star and a full moon, the Drakensberg amphitheatre silouetted in the background, a group of strangers and friends sharing a campfire, reflecting over the days events, not only tough but exhilirating.

Then it was off to the Jacuzzi!

Sitting toasty warm in a jacuzzi, sipping on Spiced Gold and Coke, talking philosophical, trying our hand at a climbing wall while dripping wet and listening to the likes of Johnny Cash in the midst of other travellers is perhaps as close to heaven as one can get. And perhaps to get you back down to Earth, a dip in an ice cold pool making bets on who can stay in the water the longest before chickening out.

Sadly it was off to bed in the early hours of the morning when the bar lady decided that we had all had a little too much fun for one evening.

And in the dark, lying in the tent, the moonlight(or was that the camp light?) shining down, every stress and strain of that world out there fragments and disappears. The past and the future don’t matter, who you are and where you are from don’t either. All you have is the moment.

The sun rose too early, the only thing making up for it the beautiful amphitheatre panorama before us.

Before leaving for Johannesberg we made our way to another of the Drakensberg treasures, where we lay on the rocks like lizards, basking in the beauty of of surroundings and the sun, also learning to drink water from the falls like cowboys do. It was with a heavy heart that we had to leave.

For me , the drive back is almost always a sombre one, leaving home to go back to what…the office? Taking your  memories but leaving more of yourself behind.

What did I learn this weekend?

That I apparently have shit taste in music.

Other than that nothing could’ve worked out better.

 

 

 

 

Extra Extra

As a part of my new adventures I signed up with a casting agency to make some money as an extra on any film or series sets. The work may not be consistent but it is fun and the cash is good.

I had my first “gig” yesterday as an extra for an international series with some pretty high profile actors.

I played a casino extra which had me in a tiny little dress and sky high heels…and with hair and make up I looked pretty hot if I do say so myself.
Apart from standing in my heels(just like 30 other extras), which was very close to torture of the worst kind, the experience was like no other.

You have a behind the scenes look at how much effort goes into film. Camera angles and filters, positioning, remembering lines, lighting and make up touch ups and that is barely scratching the surface. In fact, the easiest job is to be an extra as it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be one.

But all the cast and crew take all this work in stride, and you can truly see that they love their work most of the time. They are always joking around, playing pranks and making fun of one another.

Another aspect is where they shoot.
The set(which was a casino floor) was located on the ground floor of an abandoned hotel located in the centre of Johannesburg. All well and good the most likely only took up a third of the ground floor of the hotel, which meant that there were two thirds of the area we could explore between takes. And I must say this was extremely creepy.

On the outskirts of the set, where we were  kept in a “holding area” things were weird. The smokers found the abandoned kitchen which didn’t seem like a kitchen at all but more like a scene out of the series “Dexter”. The stainless steel food prep tables could have accomodated a human body easily and there were crimson stains on parts of the tile covered walls that looked eerily similar to blood. Curiousity got the best of a few of us and so we went further than the kitchen where we found dark rooms with all sorts of bizarre equipment(whether it was our imaginations or not who knows!).

Some of these were odd metal frames that seemed perfect for shish kababing human bodies, man sized fridgeds for storing corpes and one of the most terrifying was a large dark alcove with metal cages, ones big enough to hold human prisoners, and these were conveniently situated right next to the service elevator!

There was also no cell phone reception anywhere in the building, that and the fact that there was no natural light anywhere that we could see.

Overall the place was the perfect hunting ground for a demented serial killer or a group of cannibal movie stars luring people to their doom under the clever guise that they required extras for a particular scene for their movie.

All in all it was a day to remember, I left having met many new people, got to see a part of a series being filmed and I was also a part of it! The extra mystery of the set location was a real bonus and the food wasn’t bad either!

So was it fun? Hell yes! And would I be an extra again… Most definitely!

If It Isn’t Fun Don’t Do It

Sitting here in the sun under a neon orange parasol, with great friends and even better music and sipping on rose’ and orange juice it isn’t hard to have fun.

So many of us forget that even when we grow into adulthood doesn’t mean we have to stop having fun.

We miss out on so much this world has to offer because we have to be “responsible”. Well responsible does not mean boring, responsible does not mean stop doing the things you love doing!

Life is about colour and sound and taste and experience.

Don’t be safe, don’t be an adult, your heart is young. Listen to it drumming, make it go a little faster.

Fall, fall in love, fall into faith and fall into joy. Step into the light of the sun. Never stop laughing or talking or skipping.

It’s time to nurture and look after yourself, for me to look after myself.

Don’t ever look back.
Don’t worry about tomorrow.

Follow your bliss TODAY!

 

A Brand New Goose

Let’s cut to the chase.

In the last few weeks I’ve climbed a few mountains…visited a game park, resigned from my corporate job and havent had much time at all to blog!

Yip, after a the previous Berg Experience, I went back to corporate an entirely different but not entirely different person. I’ve always wanted the same things but I have been too damn scared to do them. Too many of us are taught from a young age that we need to hold on to a 8 to 5 job for security and and and…we do so and we abandon our dreams so that we can make money and be secure and die when when we reach pension.

And in so doing we teach our own children to do the same thing.

After the berg I realized I am not getting younger, that my body will not be as strong as it now and my mind will all too soon go settle back into it’s comfort zone.

I needed to be reminded of most of this by our entripid leader on top of that mountain, Darren the Mountain Man, owner of Soul Adventures.

http://www.souladventures.co.za/mountaineering/climb-kilimanjaro/conquer-fear

After all that has happened it came like a giant slap in the face:

GOOSE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUDOING WASTING YOUR TIME IN CORPORATE?

What are you doing sitting behind a desk typing out figures that in the end don’t mean anything to you?

Why are you beating the same drum dat in and day out…with nothing to show for it but a meager salary?

No one is going to write on your tomb that you were an awesome employee.

It took less than 5 days for me to choose a life truly worth living. it meant giving up “security”.

But to follow a dream…I now realize that that security was a non existant straight jacket. One created to keep me from being the person I really am. It isn’t the world that conspires against you. It is you that conspires against you. And once you drop all the bullshit and look at what YOU REALLY WANT…there is no way you can go back to the person you were. And there is the magic. That’s is when you KNOW you can never look back. And in front of you doors open where they were once closed(only in your mind of course).

My life went from “someday” to NOW!

I’ve never been happier.

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.

And mine…well if you havent been keeping up…is climbing mountains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Black Dog

I never thought I’d reach a breaking point. I never thought for a moment that I’d crash and burn in a not so spectacular deluge of tears. Where I saw no resolution, where I was crippled by my own inability to choose the next step.

Where even now as I sit here underneath a bright blue sky, with the suns rays on my back and surrounded by my friends I have to fight back the waves of anxiety and chest wheezing fear that cripples me.

I’ve been a strong person but I realize now, the stark truth of it all is your soul and your mind can only endure so much before the same relentless issue has clawed through that mighty wall that has been put up.

The black dog I have met before but has been years since he snapped at my heels.

I abhor this helplessness that has overcome me, the worst of it being is that when you are there, when you are at the bottom, yes there may be only up, but it’s sometimes a really long way and there is not only one way up but a multitude from which you have to pick and it’d the difficulty of deciding which way to use that is the worst part.

I’m stuck and unsure of where to go or what to do and for now the black dog stands beside me.

All that I do know is that unlike many countless others, is that I am surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends and with them I know I will make it through.

Warrior Goose

What is a warrior?

Here is one of the many definitions found on google:

war·ri·or (wôr’ē-ər, wŏr’-)
n.
One who is engaged in or experienced in battle.
One who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause, or conflict.

After this weekend I realize that the term warrior is far more than of someone merely engaged in battle.

We are living in times where consumerism is king, stress is the number one killer in the world and obesity is becoming a plague in our society.

Life is fast paced and we are constantly under pressure to work more and buy and pay more for everything but at the end of the day we are left with no sense of fulfillment or happiness.

A few of us have taken what little extra time we have and invested in exercise, sport and activities that may enrich our lives.

There are visionaries that dream of a more active connected lifestyle for us all…these people spend their time and money creating opportunities for the rest of us to experience.

One such person, by the name of Pieter Swart had such a vision. And his vision was Warrior.

In the simplest of terms Warrior is an obstacle course race. A trail run with various physical “barriers” to go through or overcome.

Obstacle course racing is a fairly new concept in South Africa but set to become a phenomenon of massive proportions.

From my own perspective it is a welcome alternative to the staple of competitive sports we have been offered for decades.

Warrior has come to set the bar on all races. With the tag line “Be Brave” we are led to believe that the course will be intense physically…but I don’t think anyone fully realized the challenges one would face emotionally and mentally.

A person could enter the race solo or in a team. And unlike most if not all races warrior encourages team work not only among you and your friends but also with participants.

A Warrior goes into battle but does not only fight for himself but for what he believes in.

A Warrior helps, encourages and works with those around him to overcome the challenges he must face.

The Warrior Race is the embodiment of the word in the only way possible in 2013.

The obstacle ranged from mud pits to rope climbs to jumps from incredible heights.

There were time where I may have given up if not for the encouragement from my team mate, Shani, to the helping hands of so many others I met along the way. It did not matter that they were complete strangers…it mattered that there was one goal… To finish the race successfully, to earn our tags!

What is it to be a Warrior?

A warrior faces the challenges ahead of them, they take leaps of faith. They support their fellow warriors and they push each other to be the best they can be.

A huge congratulations to the warriors that completed the race…to overcoming fear, for pushing your boundaries, for working together.

I will be there next month…will you?

This Is It…There is Nothing Else

It’s weird where we experience our defining moments…as a few like to reference: “Aha” moments.

Not so much an our ago I was washing my dishes and had one of these profound insights.

I’ve been going around trying to “fill” myself up with memories and experiences and knowledge in the hopes of becoming “whole” again. And while most of these experiences have been “bucket list” items and have added to the richness of my life I cannot say they have filled me as such.

I’ve been feeling half full/half empty for quite some time….since the beginning of my dissatisfaction with my marriage. That there was “more” than what I was living.

Even now I still have intense moments of pain and unhappiness. Sometimes a dull ache and sometimes a sharp excruciating yearning to have what I do not.

Everyone feels this way at some time or the other. I’m of the belief that that angst is somehow a part of our basic human instinct.
Women yearn for the love of a man and men seek the comfort of a womans’ loins. We provide a fitting enough illusion to the other sex in order to accomplish our basic instinct:

To breed.

Once this has been accomplished it isn’t long before that yearning starts again. And if you are unable to maintain the illusion of fertility your partner or would be partner will move along.

Going back to the beginning…

I was washing my dishes when I realized that I’ve been running around like a headless chicken in the hopes of making myself whole again…on about the fact that I don’t know who I am and that I am on a “journey” to finding me.

I think I used these as an excuse to do things that I may not be 100% proud of. Not saying they weren’t necessary, because if I had not I would not have come to the insight I have now.

There is no “finding yourself”, there are no broken people and no one is damaged or used goods.

I don’t care if you are a pot smoking hippie, a nun, or a joe shmoe. You are who you are. Your cup is full. The shape of the cup may change, the colour and what fills the cup may vary but the cup is full of what you are made up of: your quirks, your morals and values, your belief systems, your memories and experiences and your knowledge.

Your cup is always full. It is up to you to decide what the contents are at any given time.

So many people think they are broken and scarred. Yes we have all had shitty little lives…but we are not broken. We are masterpieces. I’ve defined myself as broken but looking back I am not. It is just a mere perception, an excuse for filling that cup with negative experiences and emotions to perhaps gain sympathy or to justify the feelings of not being wanted.
After all it is easier to believe that you are unwanted because you are broken as opposed to being unwanted because you do not fit into someone elses idea of a perfect breeding partner.

And there is the damaged goods theory. Divorced single parent, throw in traumatic life experiences and some debt and a few wrinkles and maybe some cellulite: Damaged Goods.

Well Fuck you.

Far from damaged goods that shows a life well lived so far. Marriage is a celebration of love…whether it be once or many times. Being a parent means you’ve fulfilled your natural instinct to breed. Debt…well money isn’t everything is it. Wrinkles and cellulite. Well hey…what would the challenge of life be if we never had a countdown. A sense of urgency. Most of us waste our most useful years planning for a retirement when our bodies are old and weak. Forget about it. The time is now.

This is it…we are whole and very capable beings…we are not going to get another chance at this.

Fill your cup with what you want. Never make the excuse again.

Today I am the Happy go Lucky Ditzy Blonde that seems confident to others but in fact cares what others think about her. I’m the girl that likes to talk and write about her own experiences. I’m the person that likes to sing along to the music on the radio and go to H2O raves to enjoy the beat of a united group. I am the girl that doesn’t sway too easily when it comes to men but when I do open up I become a blithering clutz that can’t string two comprehensible sentences together in the presence of said boy.

I am the one who actually has goals and a brain to achieve it…but sometimes thinks it is better to hide it.

I sometimes cry to quickly and too easily and sometimes I am too loud and too brash. I have a critic, myself, and I judge very harshly.

I have found that I no longer fear death knowing that dying tomorrow I have no regrets.

I’m not asking you to agree with me or to follow me. In the end it is your choice as to whether you can palate the person that I am.

“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”  
Orson Wells

Mud Goose

So I’ve just completed my first race. The Gerber Gear Survival Mud Run…I opted for the 5km option as I had no idea what my fitness levels were before competing.

I joined A2A yet again….how awesome is this group of people…though most of them did take part in the 12km race most of them were finished before I did! It was hot and it was fairly tough. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, though @ times did want to kick myself in the ass for even signing up.

It was great to see how many people took part in the event….and I was surprised to realize that I was fitter than I had originally believed… Not that I was ahead of the pack…more like somewhere in the middle…but that was perfect for me.

I believe I could have done the longer race…but I would’ve been broken right now…and as it is a busy weekend for me socially it’s all worked out perfectly.

Thanks to my mates:

Jolene and Thinus, Shani and Lean for making this an incredible first race experience…you are now stuff with a Goose that wants to Dice!!!

Over and Out!

Some Catch Up

The year is once again almost over… It seems to have gone by far too quickly… But having said that I am almost glad that it is over.

And what have I learned if anything? What has transpired in a year to leave me standing where I am now.

How do I even sum up the good, the bad and the ugly?

Career wise I was finally able to break free from working with my ex husband and now I feel I am on the path to a fruitful career.
I have studied and passed my first subject for bookkeeping(and only now have I applied to the next…which means a festive season of studying for me!)
I have also concluded that I will have to become a mountain leader. My heart belongs up there on some peak in the Drakensberg, I suspect a few others will also claim a piece of the lump inside my chest.
There is still the dream of studying psychology…I’ll get there soon enough.
I am blessed to have great colleagues at work for which I am very fond of although at times we all lose our cool and give each other the dirty look.

Fitness has become almost a thing of the past. I miss kick boxing and gym you need to have a partner to help motivate you. I haven’t picked up too many kilograms and I still own that stair master and I am attempting my first 5km race this Saturday…which should be interesting to say the least.
Overall the main lesson learned is that I need to be comfortable in my own skin…and forgive myself for perhaps eating one too many fast food meals (usually when coming back home from an almost too good party).

Love…meh…we all know how my year started…the rocketeer said hasta la vista baby…perhaps the writing was on the wall,it still hurt like a mother trucker, the worst was losing a friend I cared for deeply and then coming to the realization that it would and never will be mended. I wish him all the best.
He wasn’t the only one that stole my heart. The vegetarian took a small piece of it too but I’ll admit that the rest of my heart was locked up tighter than Alcatraz and eventually the relationship crumbled.
We’ve at least maintained a friendship and I am truly grateful for that.

Friendship. Well they are hard to make, keep and maintain. I’ve met some truly awesome people this year, some unexpected friendships blossomed while others spluttered and died. I learned that too much is too much and that some alone time(what a horrid concept) is needed when it comes to friends. Also required is effort. Not too much and not too little, and if you overdo it either way you are headed for a shit storm worse than being put headfirst into a public toilet in Calcutta on a hot summers day. New or old, still part of my life or not, they all hold a special place in my heart.
If I’ve learned anything on friends and friendships…offer advice when asked… Otherwise a sympathetic ear is almost always enough.
“Feed” your friends love and compassion and some understanding. And if you can’t be the friend you want to be to that person stand back a little.

I’ve never truly felt that I’ve belonged anywhere, I still feel that today. Somewhat removed from the rest…I don’t know why, I just do.

I know I have let my family down… Something that I am pretty ashamed of…haven’t cultivated much there and haven’t spent much of my time with them either. Only hoping that the New Year brings me more commitment to the ones I will love until I die.

Spiritually I have been battered a few times…but the soul is infinitely strong. And as Dorey the beloved fish says:

“Just keep swimming”.

I still don’t know what I stand for or who I am…but I know where I am going. This Goose has pretty much found the path she wants to navigate.

It’s been an exquisite challenging year. Again some highs and some lows.

All I know for sure is that if I did happen to die today…I would do so knowing that I have lived my life fully and richly the last year…and I can live with that.

“Just keep swimming”

Addicted To What?

So…after a hectic few months of life throwing what it could at me, I thought I had reached the tipping point.

I was broke(not completely but enough for me to shed a few tears) and pretty miserable. Looking for sympathy and a few kind words… Yes because for a change I was tired of being tough.

I popped in at my friend the Minkster who offered her shoulder for me to cry on.

During this visit she so kindly offered that myself and my daughter, Dayna come with on a camping trip with Addicted 2 adventure.

Addicted 2 Adventure was founded by two amazing people, Jolene and her husband Thinus Matthysen.

As the name says their aim is to get people outdoors, active and adventurous.

They offer up monthly activities at group discounts, which range from Bungee(this months adventure) to hikes, triathlons, and other really cool things to do.

Not only is it an adventure group but a social network where you meet so many different people from all walks of life!

Now this particular weekend away was @ Klein Kariba Resort in Warmbaths. A triathlon was being held there where the founders of A2A and their friends Bubbles and Neels. Now it wouldn’t be fun only four people on a camping trip, besides you require cheerleaders for this type of thing. So a mini getaway was book and all in all there were 16 of us!

Now I could tell you all about the miles of walking I had to do while piggybacking my four year old child. Or the pranks that the “men” managed to play on how many people with a very life like but fake snake.
I could tell you about the guitar playing and singing tunes from Elvis Presley to Dozi, all while sitting around a camp fire with a bottle of old brown sherry to help us keep warm.

I could go on and say that we all made a bit of noise chatting and joking til late at night. Or about the fact that the Vervet Monkeys were intent on stealing Mentos and the men were smoking pipes.

It’s needless for me to say that it was an awesome weekend away with a fantastic group of people but that is far from what I do want to mention.

The A2A’s that competed in the triathlon are well worth mentioning. Firstly to Bubbles who, after having a great swim, crashed into a fence during the mountain bike section of the race. No major injuries though, with the help of some anti inflammatories he was doing far better.

This was Jolenes’ first full triathlon and she dove straight into it…with her husband Thinus right next to her. Although he could’ve gone ahead he kept pace with his wife all through the swimming secion encouraging her every metre of the way.

They then went on to do the cycling, which both managed to complete, Thinus finished this section ahead of Jolene and then went on to the final run and completing the race only 4th.
Seeing that his wife was finishing her run, he joined Jolene and again stayed with her while she finished the race.

From my perspective it was touching to see the commitment this pair have for one another and the bond of love they share.

It opened my eyes to the fact that there is more love than what I have experienced so far.

That a very important part of it is a shared interest that both of you can experience new and exciting things together with enthusiasm.

Meeting this couple you soon realize they have hearts the size of gold bricks. Not only do they share that with each other but with everyone they meet.

Not only that but you catch the adventure bug pretty quickly…

…Thus Addicted 2 Adventure!!!