Christmas Eve and I am still recovering from Thursday evening, yesterday I was much too hungover to even contemplate writing about my misadventures.
A little breakdown on the week thus far. I had my baby girl with me and we spent some quality time with family, we also had an early Christmas for her in Jozi, due to the fact that she is spending the “real” Christmas day with her father at the coast. I wasn’t entirely happy about the situation and I miss my girl like crazy but I have to accept the fact that this is what it is going to be like for a very long time. I had to take her to the airport with my ex mother in law and I was very emotional to say the least.
Arrangements were made to see the boyfriend, but due to unforeseen circumstances and a broken pinkie he was unable to make it. On top of having had to say goodbye to my daughter I wasn’t in the best of moods. So my sister and I arranged for a bit of a night out. Her boyfriend, Duff, is in Scotland for the Christmas and New Year period.
We started our evening off at Cool Runnings but quickly left as we felt a little “old” for the crowd that was there…this led to us going to Tappetville(aka Hi Flyers), where we had a couple of drinks. We were soon ready to leave there as well, as I couldn’t much stand seeing so many scrawny guys wearing Tapout and UFC shirts….boys are you trying to compensate for something?
We then met up with Mr and Mrs Lavis and then did what any self respecting Boksburger would do(thought to be honest the only current resident of Boksburg is my sister) and got horribly drunk…it all started with Ponchos tequila, then Suitcases(Jack Daniels and Passion Fruit shooters) and copious amounts of Springbokkies(Amarula and Peppermint liquer shooters). I
Needless to say there are blanks(again!). But overall a “Moerse Jol”(huge party).
Eventually at God knows what hour it was time to go home, and though we rarely do this we had to drive completely and utterly under the influence of what feels like the whole bar. I am never proud to do this as I know there are dire consequences to drinking and driving.
Such was the case on this evening, as at 3am sometime that morning while my sister and I were driving home we drove straight into a roadblock and were told to pull over.
At this time I knew we were fucked. I was smashed, wasted, pissed and fubar(fucked up beyond all recognition). And as I pulled straight onto the pavement I started preparing myself for my first ass raping in jail.
The officer peered into the car and asked where we were going, to which I said I was taking my sister home, he then asked for my drivers licence and after some scrambling through the “Black Hole”(my handbag which seems to eat everything I put in there) I found it and passed it to the officer. He had a look and handed it back to me….and then….
He told us we could be on our way.
I literally did a double, no triple take. I wanted to, for a very brief second, grab the officer and shake him rudely shouting “Can you not SEE how drunk we are?”. But that was maybe a split second. I hastily(okay, maybe not so hastily) pulled away, where my sister and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. And then we did what anyone would do straight after having a brush with the law….we went to McDonalds and ordered 10 freaking chicken burgers? Err…yes…we are still tryng to figure that one out…but I think it had something to do with telling the poor staff of our ordeal with the law.
Next morning I woke up head pounding and stomach churning. My sister was dreadfully late for work and had to have an ice cold shower as I had neglected to put the geyser on the evening before. It made my morning listening to her hungover shrieks as she attempted to shower.
I also had to work…and it was the most dreadful time of my life. It was hot and I was sweating alcohol from every pore in my body. Needless to say it was a very unproductive day. Thank God for the chicken burgers though…they really did hit the right spot.
Friday evening began with my sister and I trying the “Old Hair of Dog” remedy, but after it took 2 hours to drink my daquiri I gave up. We turned to getting dvds, but the Postma sisters have impeccable timing and we drove through a torrential downpour and got pretty wet getting the movies…btw…”Resident” with Hilary Swank is a super freaking horrible creepy movie, if you haven’t seen it go get it.
Today I still feel like crap…I’m hoping to feel better after some breakfast.
PS: We are convinced that the only reason the police did not in fact arrest me is because I was taking my sister home, which implied that I was sober, dragged out of bed to come fetch my lush of a family member from the pub. We have now concluded that from now on when we do get horribly drunk there will be a set of pajamas, gown and slippers put on before leaving said pub, so as to make this story more legible.
PPS: No really, we do know the dangers of drinking and driving…don’t do it, it’s really bad for you and the other drivers on the road.