So I figured it out…..I do have a heart…..and I do have feelings. My emotions are not worn on my sleeve but are in fact better at being invisible than even a ninja.
I am pretty retarded when it comes to other peoples feelings….I don’t know how to deal with it. Part of comes from the fact that I would feel like I’m lying if I tried to console someone…..I can never truly know how someone is feeling so how can I make them feel better.
I guess I’m also more of “practical” person. I like to put others and my own emotions into a box, label it and then do what I need to do with it and then carry on.
But I never really forget…..and at the most inopportune times…those feelings bite me in the ass. So I guess it isn’t healthy.
I also reckon that I don’t want anyone to see what I’m feeling….at least really feeling…because I’m scared of being exposed, especially to hurt.
I wouldn’t say that my heart is locked up…..but more that there is an Iron Curtain surrounding it. Still affected by the outside world but not allowing anyone to see what’s going on inside.
I think it is safe to say that at best I come off as happy go lucky where everything slides off me like water on a ducks back. And at worst I come off cold and unemotional.
I believe I have a great capacity for love and I have loved….but it takes a lot to get past the Iron Curtain…and you won’t even know it. But once you are in…its almost impossible for me to get you out.
I guess fear rules me a lot more than I thought….especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
So where does it leave me?
Well I guess it means that I have to find the ninja and get behind the iron curtain and really see what’s going on inside my heart.
And that’s a start.
