Yes Assholes…Z Day is coming…and if you aren’t prepared you better get started…you think I’m talking Bullshit…YOUR LOSS…and the ZOMBIES’ GAIN…you might as well stick a label on your forehead saying:
You are going to need some serious weaponry and weapon skills in the post apocalypse era…and if you think you will just hide out in your Ivory Tower, whilst the years while away, hoping not to come into contact with any other zombies or people…then you SUCK!
The Zombie Apocalypse is the only apocalypse that is not only Feasible but also UBERCOOL….no no no…SUBZERO COOL!
Hell, we can kill, maim , dismember, torture, shoot, behead and stab as many people as possible. Yeah, it sounds terrible doesn’t it? But in what society are we allowed to express our deepest darkest desires without the moral obligation?
Hell…I would LOVE to show Justin Beiber what I really really think of him…yes Beiber fans…he will be zombified. Nevermind shooting that bastard/bitch of an ex point blank in the forehead…hell I get goosies thinking about it.
The best part is…there is no jail…and no guilt…they were zombies…it was your duty to send them to kingdom come. You will be looked apon as a hero…that is if anyone knows about you.
So you need a super stacked armory to get yourself going. I have already given you some gunspiration and if you’ve been to lazy to do your homework I’ll hold your hand and guide you through the maze that is Z Day Weaponry
These weapons are obviously not guns and are for use in close quarter combat…at this point you are surrounded by a bunch of flesh eating brain dead zombies looking to munch on your brains. Personally, I am not too fond of being in arms width of a zombie, and to be honest in the best of circumstances this would not happen, but we have to prepare for anything and who knows…you could be doing a weapon/food run and you might be lurched at by a lucky or not so lucky zombie.
A word of warning when it comes to close range combat…please make sure you have a visor/mask that covers your face. Remember you will be at least in arms length of a zombie and the likelihood of blood spattering all over the place while trying to dispatch one of these critters…and blood in anyone of your orifices’ means infection…GAME OVER.
BASEBALL BATS/CRICKET BATS
Wooden and Metal(only baseball bats), bats are pretty awesome. Batter up…these may not be too effective in crushing a zombies skull but definitely in slowing them down when you are faced with more than one. And if you are faced with a single undead being feel free to pulp his brains to bits. Available pretty much everywhere, I recommend you have 5 metal bats and 10 wooden bats in your armory before the apolcalypse.
Nothing beats the satisfying Thwack of a baseball bat against the head of a Zombie…
TIRE IRON/CROWBAR/BATONS, ETC
These items are only being listed here because they may not be perfect for use against a Zombie, but can be used when nothing else is on hand. Remember that you will have a tire iron in the event that you are travelling in a car and a crowbar obviously to break into building for supplies, etc. There is very little probability of killing a zombie with these weapons so dont even try…the motive here is SUBDUE AND RUN.
Long or short these weapons rock…this is for the more blood thirty Zombie hunter that likes to see the terror in the undeads eyes…not really…but you catch my drift. You can hack at a zombies skull and even make an effort to decapitate or dismember the zombie…just imagine one desperately crawling toward you without any limbs…there is a sick satisfaction in there somewhere…you know it.
Utility knives and combat knives are the best. We are looking for a dual purpose here. Again a knife will not kill your zombie attacker but it’s just enough for you to get away. I quite like the Trench knife which comes with a knuckleduster type handle for ease of use. A Katar…well..look it up…you can punch a zombies face off with one of these! Bayonets are knife blades attached to the end of your gun/s, use only as a last resort but a must in making sure you have all your bases covered.
For the ninja in all of us. Hard to come by, but if you are able to get one before the shit hits the fan…learn to use it and sharpen it properly. With this weapon Zombie hordes may just cower in your shadow. The katana will slice and dice Zombies into itty bitty pieces…fancy some filleted zombie?
The standard axe is pretty much also one of those multi purpose tools…not very effective for multiple killings as the blade will probably embed itself into an undead skull and thats the end of that as a weapon.
Now I know you all are sitting there thinking :
“Hell you skipped alot!”
Well yes. I am not going to bother to mention cool sounding weapons such as the Shaolin Spade, or Flail…partly due to the fact that to find genuine items such as this, that are actually able to cause bodily harm, is barely possible and even if you could the amount you would pay for it would be put to better use on some proper weaponry….such as GUNS!
And then I hear you ask about the chainsaw…. other than the fact that it is either reliant on gas or electricity, which will be scarce if not impossible to come by post apocalypse…chainsaws are large awkward weapons that without proper handling will have you most likely seeing your bits chopped off (see Dawn of the Dead bus scene… some poor asshole loses more than an arm!)
Thats about it for Melee’ weapons…you can add your two cents…but remember…your aim is not to be up front and personal with an undead warrior…
Next Chapter…we start looking into the COOL STUFF…be on the lookout…and remember…THE END IS NIGH!