Zumba What?

So yesterday evening after work I readied myself and went to gym.  I have decided to try the aerobics classes as I am not wired for individual workouts(see Decembers hectic fitness routine…oh wait…there was none!).

Last week was a particularly gruelling “Shape Mix” class which left me on the verge of passing out and my muscles giving me grief for the next 24 hours. I’d like to thnk of myself as fit, but anyone that knows me, knows they won’t be finding me doing any endurance exercises, so the fact that I was able to survive teclass was a miracle. Overall I loved it. There is nothing better than a workout that leaves you hot and sweaty.

I give the Shape Mix class a sterling 8 out of 10. Perfect for those that regularly do exercise, an always moving, high paced and energetic class. I would also highly recommend this class to men as it is very challenging.

Yesterday evening I was looking forward to a “Retro Aerobics” class. to my bitter dissapointment I arrived only to find they were doing a “Zumba Fitness” demo. I have nothing against Zumba itself, all fitness programs that work are awesome, but not all people are going to like it.

Zumba is a combination of Latin dance and exercise. Now I have no problem burning calories, but I have a huge problem making an ass out of myself in front of 40 plus women attending the class. Why will I make an ass of myself?

Well I was born with notoe but two left feet. I am totally uncoordinated and I cannot keep rythme – This I know for a fact as I had taken dance classes when I was younger and after the first examination I was told exactly that. My dreams as a dancer were shattered from that day onward. I now leave complicated dance manouvers to other more skilled friends, or on the odd occasion, when I have had perhaps a little too much to drink, I might whip out the bizarre move.

No, when it comes to dancing I do the bare mininum, shuffle from side to side and occasionally throw my hands up in the air.

So back to this Zumba demo. Complete and utter disaster, I was moving right when everyone was moving left. Moving forward when we were supposed to be moving backward and clapping hands when everyone else was touching their feet.  Yes I looked completel and utterly spastic. I had a good laugh, I felt compleely anduttely ridiculous and there it was either leave class or laugh, becuase some of those moves…well yeah…some of them are downright embarressing.

Another thing, although the class was physically challenging, it wasn’t as strenous as I would have hoped it to be. I was actually considering doing the following class just so that I could build up a decent sweat. But chores at home were calling to me so I had no other choice but to leave.

I give Zumba a meager 3 out of 10, the best thing about the class was the music, which wasn’t even fantasic. Otherwise this class is designed for beginners who have some idea of how to dance.

Tonight I have a “Move” class, which is another form of aerobics. So lets see how it goes.

Bungee Goose

Another weekend gone by and far more entertaining than anticipated.

Friday can be summed up in a few words….

“Where is Celeste. I can’t move use I’m @ cot. Shot on atlas road.”

And before you even try to figure this out don’t, it is a complete waste of time and energy. Friday was a jigsaw puzzle with quite a few missing pieces and try as we may we haven’t quite put all those pieces together. Lets just say Jose did what he does best.

Saturday Minks and I went to Booysens to fetch her beloved Parratjie and then we decided to take the kids…yes all of them (five to be exact), to Milky Lane at Eastgate. Now, let me add that we were in no condition to realise that it was payday weekend, so off we went and fought crowds of people to then find ourselves at Milkylane where we fed the kids ice cream and waffles. The waitress was appalling, she managed to flub a perfectly easy order and when leaving it took us at least 20 minutes to do so, due to the fact that their card machines decided to go offline. With Minks having to go search for and find an ATM with an appallingly long queue.

We then got a whole lot of DVD’s and proceeded to vegetate the rest of the day.

Ah Sunday, the day of the Bungee, a jump that I was truly looking forward to. After some rearrangements to the original group of attendees and me not so politely telling Minks that she would jump off the towers with me, we were set to go. There were a couple of delays, like someone having to feed their cat, we set off, there were a few words on how and what thefasted route was to get there, but, unbelievably, for the first time ever, I did not get lost, going to the towers or coming back(perhaps thishad to do with the navigator…I’d like to think I have an excellent sense of direction…hehehehehehe….Not!).

There is a beautiful “shebeen”(where they serve traditional african food that looks delicious) at the towers where we all decided it would be in our best interests to gain some dutch courage, and that meant alcohol. We were also able to witness a few jumps before we went, which I think, allayed our fears somewhat, especially when a guy in a Borat G String jumped…well, like my sister said, upside down gravity makes an ass look great!

Eventually we made our way to the offices where they proceeded to check us in. Celeste and I were first to go of us nutcase and we were strapped into harness and footwear that was very becoming if I do say so myself. The best bit, Minks and I both had stripy socks…boy were we hot!

The trip up the elevator(a metal cage) was nothing short of terrifying due to the angle changes on the way up. The view at het top was phenomenal, but once up there we realized just how high up we were. I was still okay, but my friend, Minx, had to start some serious negotiations with herself in an attempt to ready herself to jump.

It was at this juncture that we were informed that we wouldnt be able to jump due to the fast coming storm. So we had to board the elevator and take the slow way down, where we took in theview of Soweto and surrounds. It was somewhere at this time that we all got seriously depro…all that hype, hell, we were at the towers, ready to hurtle ourselves into thin air.

We were refunded and are planning to go back and complete our jump….so looking forward to it!

Sweet Surrender – John Denver

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway

Traveled by many, remembered by few

Lookin’ for something that I can believe in

Lookin’ for something that I’d like to do with my life
There’s nothin’ behind me and nothin’ that ties me

To somethin’ that might have been true yesterday

Tomorrow is open; right now it seems to be more

Than enough to just be here today
And I don’t know what the future is holdin’ in store

I don’t know where I’m goin’, I’m not sure where I’ve been

There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me

My life is worth the livin’, I don’t need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender Live, live without care Like a fish in the water Like a bird in the air
Sweet, sweet surrender Live, live without care Like a fish in the water Like a bird in the air

 

Gym Partner Wanted

Here’s to dishonouring another year’s resolutions, isn’t it weird how we enter a new year with the best of intentions…only to see it fall flat by the end of January.

For instance…I have still to set foot into the gym…it’s not like I’ve been avoiding it(maybe a little) but I find myself doing other things. Yesterday evening I had the fullest intention of going, but by luck of the Irish, and by that I mean Emma my friend, asked me to go out and have a cup of coffee with her, which inevitably turned into a drink…well…a couple….okay okay…alot.

Anyway, the point being I missed yet another day of gym. So my porn star ass is looking more like a J Lo ass on a bad day. Well, not quite, but you know what I mean.

I also have a couple of DVD’s at home, you know the one’s…”Get a Bikini Body Now”, etc. But the problem is motivation. You see, why must I exercise when I can stick my nose into a really good book? Yes, I’m currently reading Stephen King’s ”Under the Dome”, which reminds me alot of his much older book  ”The Stand”. And I love it, I love the way that King explore’s the human condition and what people do under bizarre and stressful situatiions(things they would not do under normal circumstances). And if you are no fan of Stephen King then perhaps you have read Lord of the Flies by William Golding, which also delves into the subject.

Did I go off topic again? My humblest apologies.

So I am far more motivated to read a book than exercise at the moment, and whilst it isn’t a problem now, it may be in a months time. I can almost feel those calories depositing themselves onto my ass, laughing as they suffocate the gluteus maximus muscles.

I want to have a callipygous ass. In other words perfectly proportioned buttocks.

So I have alot of self motivating to do….or I need to get myself a gym partner. And I honestly believe that the latter is the only answer to help me on my quest for a delicious butt. So, if you know of anyone who is willing to put up with a constant whiner(yes, I bitch about everything I can at gym, from the weights, to the cardio to the goddamn sit ups!), someone whom you literally have to drag by the hair to get her to gym, someone who is willing to push me, because God knows I wont push me, and who is currently going to the Virgin Active in Benoni, then tell them to give me a shout.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ferris Bueller Said it:

Bitch Please….

We are well into the new year and another weekend has gone by,a busy one at that, and that’s the way I like it.

Friday night my dancing feet got itchy so with my Irish friend Emma we headed off to no other place but to Nicci Beach. Euphonix was on the decks and the music was fantastic, nevermind the fact that the place was brimming with beautiful people. There was plenty of Jose Cuervo going around and then to top the evening off, my gal pal from the North, Ronel, joined us in shaking our booties.  How I do love this place, it is not often that I leave before closing, that’s me and the other few hundred people that were still there.

I was also called a Bitch that night, and contrary to polular belief I have no problem with being one. If being a bitch means I have standards and morals and I value my life then so be it. It might seem otherwise with my posts and I am the first to say that I take myself lightly and I indulge in a  little self deprication every now and then, but I take issue when others invade your personal space. You know the one’s that stand a little to close to you, or they grab your neck when they talk to you or very inappropriately place their hand on the small of your back? Especially when it has been clearly stated that you are not interested….wait did I look interested? No? So if you aren’t going to take the hint then I will so politely tell you to back the fuck off.

Besides it was girls night and all I wanted to do was dance to the rythme and beats of house music.

The next morning I woke up to  my alarm and very cleverly decided to dismiss it and not snooze it. The idea was to close my eyes for two seconds…well that two seconds turned into more than forty five minutes so it was a mad dash to get to work on time, which I did. Well there is nothing interesting about work, so after that I got my stuff together and headed of to the Minkster and the to my mother so that we could raid my late fathers stash of camping equipment.

You see, even though Oppi Koppi is a good seven and a little bit months in the future, we feel it imperative to get our acts together and make sure that the long weekend away, in the dust and the thorns and the bush, is going to be an awesome one. We even visited Outdoor Warehouse to check out cool and innovative camping goodies to take with, like the ever needed portable shower.

I then went to Mrs Allycat, for a little birthday shindig. It’s always great listening to good music with great company, sampling some treats and eating delicious pizza. Allison your tattoo is spectacluar! And I d ohope that you enjoyed your “19th” birthday

We then stopped at my god brothers birthday where the heavens had decided to open up…well it was great to see Elton and his beautiful fiance’ Adel, who hosted a fantastic birthday party, the only wish is that I was able to stay longer.

Sunday morning was pretty chilled, I got to test drive a VW Beetle, and I fell in love. They are really such awesome little cars. Us women also decided to wash our cars…and boy was a good clean for my car sorely needed.

A few things I learned from this weekend:

Never, ever drop your standards, you are worth it and you deserve the best.

To hate and hold grudges is to do yourself a disservice, don’t waste a precious moment of your time, hating yourself or someone, or holding a grudge, it will do you no good.

Love yourself, change the things you can, and accept the things you cannot. You can’t change the fact that everyday your body is growing older, but you are as young as your heart says you are. And there is one great thing about growing older, and that is growing wiser, not worrying about what people say about you or think about. That you can look in the mirror and see all your faults, the wrinkles, the blemished skin, the little bit of extra weight, the fact that your teeth arent perfectly straight, or your nose may not be as small and cute as you would like it to be….looking at all of these things and still being happy, still loving that person, knowing that person is doing the best they can.

Savour and treasure the memories you have and make new one’s, it’s never too late to start a bucket list, you can always meet new people and you can always have fun. Never close your heart to anything. Be cautious but not too cautious. Live every moment and don’t sweat the small stuff…

And one last tHing I have confirmed….come hell or high water I am soooooooo at H2o Avicii come the 31st of March.

You, Me and Cuervo…Now!

Move over everyone, the Goose has herself a new best friend, if you could call Tequila a best friend.

Tequila I have known through the years, we were never really mates but now and then we used to party hard together, who could forget bodyshots on the bar counter at the tender age of 18? But we parted ways. Jose Cuervo was a hooligan and for a while I set aside my dancing shoes and became the tame housewife of Benoni. Jose understood. He waited patiently, knowing I needed that time.

To cut a dreadfully long and boring story short, it is afterall Saturday and I am sure manyof you have more important things to do than read my blog, like go to the farm or rustle up Oppi Koppi supplies(which is in fact what I will be doing later).

Tequila and I re acquiented ourselves with each other last night. Yes, I have had a few shots in the 4 months since my divorce but Jose just never did it for me, until, like I say, last night. He was there and my friends introduced me once again. And if tequila were a person, well he’d probably be like my friend, Schalk, sarcastic and a little thorny around the edges. Not to everyones taste becuase you can never be quite sure if he is being serious with you(I’d like to think that it’s mental warfare all the way, and as soon as you start thinking he is serious, wel, that’s when you are in deep deep shit). The same goes for Tequila, you cannot be deathly serious and have a shot, you are either hardcore, downing it clean, or like me, the sissy that I am, you use salt and a little lemon.

There are two routes you can go with Tequila…you can either dance your ass off or you can hug your toilet bowl. I prefer the dancing your ass off option personally, but when it comes to Jose it is a lucky dip, because you never know when that one will be the one sending you retching your lungs out.

Last night Jose and I came to an understanding. he shall be there for me through thick and thin, but mostly when its Nicci time. He shall stand by me where other drinks shall fall short. He shall help me in my quest for the next blackout. He shall party right there with me. But he shall never be there for me in the morning. No, Tequila, I’m sad to say, will not be there to hold your hand while your head is pounding and your body is aching,oh no, tequila does not like morning afters. But hey, you have to accept it for what it is. You have to take the good with the bad.

But what is true, Tequila will always be there when needed.

Just one, two, three…oh fuck it….four shots away.

H2O Fever

With the news that the following H2o(only one of the biggest outdoor day raves in the world www.h2oparty.com) will be held on the 31st of March 2012 and the outstanding artist Avicii, who brought us the sick song “Levels” is set to take the stage…I find myself between a rock and a hard place.

I am a newbie to the H2O party scene but I must say, after my first one last year October I am hooked worse than a meth junkie.

That day not too long ago I was in my happy place, a day after my divorce, with friends that I cherish, having the time of my life. I remember standing there thinking things could not actually get better than that. But they did and they didn’t.

Perhaps that is why I so eagerly want to go back there, to feel the love, the promise of new things, the sun on my face, the promise of better things to come. The overall sense of wellbeing, knowing what path I was on and whom I wanted to share it with. The people that were there for me, who made it the experience I now so sorely miss.

I am sorely disappointed though that due to a lack of interest from those around me it may mean that I have to wait until October.

THIS SUCKS BALLS…yes I said it, it sucks balls.

Otherwise, I wish you all a freaking fantastic weekend.

Goosey ;)

Waiting for the Miracle – Leonard Cohen

Baby, I’ve been waiting, I’ve been waiting night and day.

I didn’t see the time, I waited half my life away.

There were lots of invitations and I know you sent me some,

But I was waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

I know you really loved me. but, you see, my hands were tied.

I know it must have hurt you, it must have hurt your pride

To have to stand beneath my window with your bugle and your drum,

 and me I’m up there waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Ah I don’t believe you’d like it, You wouldn’t like it here.

There ain’t no entertainment and the judgements are severe.

The Maestro says it’s Mozart but it sounds like bubble gum

When you’re waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Waiting for the miracle There’s nothing left to do.

I haven’t been this happy since the end of World War II.

Nothing left to do when you know that you’ve been taken.

Nothing left to do when you’re begging for a crumb

Nothing left to do when you’ve got to go on waiting waiting for the miracle to come.

I dreamed about you, baby. It was just the other night.

Most of you was naked Ah but some of you was light.

The sands of time were falling from your fingers and your thumb,

 And you were waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come

Ah baby, let’s get married, we’ve been alone too long.

Let’s be alone together. Let’s see if we’re that strong.

Yeah let’s do something crazy, something absolutely wrong

While we’re waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Nothing left to do …

When you’ve fallen on the highway and you’re lying in the rain,

 And they ask you how you’re doing of course you’ll say you can’t complain –

 If you’re squeezed for information, that’s when you’ve got to play it dumb:

You just say you’re out there waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

He Said It

I came across this quotation and the first thing I thought was:

“Fuck I have wise friends!”