It was inevitable that I would eventually write about Bella Swan, the Twilight series heroine.
Unfortunately I do not have much good to say about her, other than the fact that she reads, but then, her novel choices consist of classics like Emily Bronte and William Shakespeare…puke…what teenage girl willingly reads(and enjoys) high school setworks?
Bella Swan is clearly a girl that doesn’t give much of a damn about her physical appearance obviously mostly due to her complete lack of self esteem. And yes, perhaps we all did have self esteem issues, but Bella Swan is not doing any suicidal gawky weird emo girls any favours. In fact she is encouraging them to be suicidal gawky weird emo girls. That way an old, not really hot, creepy obsessive pedophile stalker will fall in love with them and they will live (un)happily ever after.
She is almost completely passive in the movie, wait I lie, this girl never learns. She is always getting into trouble, and opposed to the way she is described in the book as “attracting” trouble, she is really looking for it. Like dating a vampire isn’t asking for it. Or walking alone in an industrial area of a major city, or cliff diving? The girl has a death wish, hell she asks to be killed throughout the series:
“Oh Edward, please bite me, please kill me, pretty please, with a cherry on top?” Bella swoons dramatically into Edwards arms.
Also she has no sense of style whatsoever…girl…if you are a teenager…you would have a copy of “Seventeen” somewhere, with all the clothing advice needed…seriously…plaid and denims are reserved for hill billies only.
Bella Swan is th worst leading character of a novel ever. If you write, even a little bit, even if you watch a decent movie, you will know that the lead character is more often than not a DYNAMIC character. Meaning that over the course of the story,they learn from their mistakes and build character, adapt and grow.
Bella Swan does none of the above. She remains a spoilt stubborn brat throughout the series.
And my final argument:
Bella Swan is a NECROPHILIAC.
A Necro what?
Urban Dictionary Definition: One who is obsessed with dead bodies, and in some cases enjoying having sex with corpses.
The corpse is Edward Cullen.
Bella Swan is into Beastiality
The Beast being Jacob Black.
Bella Swan is a nutcase, she should be locked up in a padded room and they should throw away the key.