Defining Insanity

I believe I have finally lost it.

Yes I have gone mad, bonkers, insane, cuckoo and crazy.

Why, you ask? Well to be dreadfully honest I am ashamed of myself. I truly committed a sin in the eyes of “Twenty Something Single Mums” the world over. This last weekend my lovely daughter was with her father, it was also the end of the month and there were two events that I had been invited to, the first, Kings of Leon(of which I had a FREE Ticket!) and then a night out, not only to watch the Currie Cup Final between the Lions and Sharks(an epic game apparently) but also have cocktails and party the night away with my friend the Minkster(and party the night away she did!).

How do you ask, does a woman decide? Well, if you happen to be me, you choose NEITHER. Yes, you heard me correctly, whilst everyone I know was living it up and having a jol, I had chosen to STUDY…..I feel sick just mentioning it.

My Saturday went something like this:

Working, Studying, Shopping, Short visit at a friend’s place, Washing, Studying, Cooking and Studying.

Before you think I have completely and utterly lost my marbles, I didn’t quite spend my entire Saturday evening studying. I did manage to watch “I am Legend” and “300″ and then prompted by plans for Sunday evening(which subsequently fell through), I spent some of that time painting my nails and straightening my hair.

Okay, you still think I’m nuts, I dont blame you, I really dont. But there is never just one reason for a persons seemingly demented behaviour and so I will say, begrudgedly, that one of the other reasons happened to be the fact that even though it is the end of the month, my budget tells me I’m in no shape to be living it up…..I feel sick again.

You see, October happened to be a very expensive month for me, and though I wont be going into details, there are some bills that are in dire need of paying this month…and we know how I feel about debt…absolutely paranoid…so yes, like a good little girl, I’ll be paying those debts(I quake in fear of having my name put onto the Credit Bureau).

I look back on this weekend, and honestly, for the first time in a long time, feel a slight pang of regret. But only slight you see, for some, if not most of the party animals of this weekend gone by, are still suffering from hangovers from the pits of hell(and I cruelly laugh at them!).

The Moral of this Story?

Never willingly stay at home at the end of the month(especially when free of all adult obligations)!

It sucks.

Balls.

Big Hairy Donkey Balls.

Music Is The Answer

I admit it, I was a little stuck this morning about what I would write about, you see,it was another good weekend, and yes I can mention all those that made it great, but you know who you are. And then I realized, there is something I have not written about, but which is perhaps even a larger part of my life than my family and friends. And its a part of all of our lives.

Music.

Most if us know the power of music, it can move us to tears, it can fuel our anger, unite a nation as well as divide.

I’ve always enjoyed music, but in my darkest days a part of me did not want to listen, did not want to get in touch with that ”animal” part of me(Why I say “animal” is because for me music is not intellectual, it has very little to do with the thought process, if at all, music is emotional and instinctual).I hid away from from my feelings then, knowing what I would have to face.

It took someone I had never met to open my eyes, to re-introduce me to music. I compiled a playlist of songs that I felt corrosponded with who I was at the time, and at that time I pretty depressed so a major artist on my playlist happened to be James Blunt:

“Mine is not a heart of  stone…I am only skin and bone  now…Those little pieces are  little pieces of my own”

I know, had it not been for James and company I still would have been stuck in my previous life. It was through music that I identified with m motions. And as the days and months have worn on, my tastes have morphed. Right after moving into my flat and alone for the first time, ACDC got me out of bed every morning:

“Cos I’m T.N.T. ….I’m Dynamite ….T.N.T. …And I’ll win the fight…T.N.T. …I’m a power-load …T.N.T. …Watch me Explode”.

Where I was alone, and my friends werent around, it was music that got me through. I was able to tell how I was feeling by the songs I chose to listen to, and by realizing this I was able to move through to where I needed to be.

“I’ll never find my heart…Behind someone else…I’ll never see the light of day…Living in this cell…It’s time to make my way…Into the world I knew …Take back all of these times …That I gave in to you”
3 Doors Down

I firmly believe that there are lyrics out there that will mirror your exact feelings at a particular time. And when no one is around to listen, or you dont have the strength to talk, listen to the radio, your favourite song, discover a new band, open yourself up. From there you can work on your life.

That brings me to the song I want to share today. Where we all search for friendship, family, love and understanding, how often do we acknowledge wht we already have right in front of us.

I know its cheesy…but I am blessed…and I always was…I just had to open my eyes….and see the family, the friends, and the love all around me.

Staring Down

Collective Soul

Loosened from my pride
Oh that monster kept me so tight
Threw my aces down
just to face the here and the now

So here I’ll go again
I want to please
Here I’ll go again
Sweet I’ll sleep
Sleep till I dream

I’ve been looking
I’ve been staring down
I’ve been searching
I’ve been staring down
And your love is what I found

As cautious as a thief
Oh but restless in all of my needs
Now I stand before all I wanted

And all that I’ve adored

So here I go again
I need to please
Yeah here I go again
Sweet you sleep
Sleep till I dream

I’ve been looking
I’ve been staring down
I’ve been searching
I’ve been staring down
And your love is what I…

Long days, long nights
Just blinded by what was already in sight
Now I’ve found, I’ve found my way home
Yeah I found my way home

I’ve been looking
I’ve been staring down
I’ve been searching
I’ve been staring down

I’ve been looking
I’ve been staring down
I’ve been searching
I’ve been staring down
And your love is what I found

I Am Right You Are Wrong – the truth about candy and chocolate.

This morning I had to endure another conversation(to be put mildly) regarding sweets and tooth decay.

Being the paranoid person I am, before I jump into anything, I read and research as much as possible. This was so before, during and after my pregnancy and still to this day. I even own a copy of the Supernanny book – yes I do – dont mock me.

Some people go on what they have heard from others. While yes, advice from your peers is helpful, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.

In this case: “Suckers, hard boiled, even soft candies and jannie verjaar colddrink(the red juice you mix with water) is better than chocolate”.

My stance is that chocolate is the lesser of two evils, but in a moment of doubt, I turned to my faithful friend, Google.

Firstly I searched “chocolate and tooth decay”, well the first few articles(be my guest and check for yourself) actually  state that chocolate can PREVENT tooth decay. My second search was “candy and tooth decay”, the articles I checked all said the same thing. Given the choice between a hardboiled/soft/sticky sweet and chocolate, opt for chocolate.

One of the main arguments is that chocolate dissolves quickly in the mouth where a hard candy is in the mouth for a prolonged time exposing teeth to sugar. Chocolate(C also apparently contans anti bacterial agents that slow the plaque forming process thus slowing decay and it is this property that offsets the high sugar content in chocolate. One article even suggested that certain agents in chocolate may actually be used in toothpaste one day(no more issues asking your children to brush their teeth!)

I am not advocating that we start shovelling our children with chocolate, as they say everything in moderation, but the next time you are choosing a treat for your children, choose chocolate.

ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO (Nevermind the fact that you will save on dental bills!)

The moral of this story is: Before you start arguing about something you think you know something about, do a little research instead of believing a mouthul of BS. This includes what I say.

    

Iridescent – Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of
devastation
when you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
with the
cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now
you were there and
possibly alone.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up
all the failiures all you’ve known
remember all the sadness and
frustration
and let it go, let it go.

And in the burst of light that
blinded every angel
as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
you
felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space
no one there to
catch you in there arms

Do you feel cold and lost in
desperation
you build up all the failures all you’ve known
remember all
the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up all the
failiures all you’ve known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and
let it go,

let it go
let it go
let it go
let it go

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up
all the failiures all you’ve known
remember all the sadness and
frustration
and let it go, let it go

Woohoo….Studying….Groan!

I’ve always wanted to study, there has never been a doubt about it. Other than the simple fact that you need to have tertiary education under your belt in a country where joblessness is a stark reality, but to further myself, to push past a so so matric certificate(where I did the bare minimum of studying), to become someone I dreamed of becoming.

But life happens and ten years later I have have only just had a student loan approved and registered to study. Even a mere two weeks ago I had not planned to start until the beginning of next year, I was being complacent(as I have been in the last ten years). But someone showed me a door and in a moment of clarity I did something.

All choices have pros and cons, and this particular choice, now has me in R20200.00 debt. I have never experienced debt before, at least not where you can be listed on ITC or Experian. The credit bureau didn’t know I existed…well…until now. And this has me a little preturbed as my paranoid mind chooses to remind me often that if I default on even one payment, my non existant credit score will be tarnished forever(Melodramatic arent I?)

The only comfort I am gaining from this is the fact that the loan is for further education, as opposed to a pair of Jimmy Choo’s(I dont think I could live with the guilt – Seriously).

I’d also to like to mention that I am not studying for my “dream” job. I am studying bookkeeping(and BTW anyone that enthusiastically studies numbers is crazy) as a means to an end. I need to double my paygrade, make sure it is in an unsaturated field and have decent hours.

Once I have this under my belt, my education is far from finished as then I am going to pursue my “dream” job. Right now that job/career is to be a psychologist(and I hear screams of laughter from all my friends who know Im “special”). But that is now, perhaps in two years I want to be a yoga instructor, or a travel writer, or a politician(Heaven forbid!). Really all I do know for sure is that I would like to study a ridiculously long time obtain a Doctorate(Yes….thats Dr Romaigne to you!)

I have realized that you are never too old to study(or get a student loan) and never too old to say this is it, this is what I want  be. I believe we can satisfy all aspects of our wants and needs, in due course, of course.

Dont wait until tomorrow to study or begin becoming what you want to become.

Be who you are, work hard at it, change your mind often and do it 100%.

Anything less and you are selling yourself short.

Quote of the Day

“Anyone that can put a smile like that on your face is worth it.”

Michelle Jenja Prevot

The Strobe Effect

Let it be known that if you are planning a relaxed weekend, it would be advisable to avoid two things:

Alcohol and Strobe Lights:

Friday evening I chose to spend with my mom and sister,all went well at first until we decided to watch some stand up comedy, and we know laughing your ass of is thirsy work(refer to Jeff Dunham, Dane Cook, Jim Jefferies and Billy Connelly). My sister and I then decided to go visit two Scots and an Irish.

Duffs house, or should I say Duffs Bar is pretty much a party haven, what is required for a party?, Well, a pool table, a kickass bar, some turntables and good company.

Duff(Stephen Duff that is) is a large ginger who tried his best to almost convince me to go to Deadmau5 in December, apologies, but I have my daughters preschool concert that day. Then there is Andy, well there are quite a few ways to describe Andy but I think the Jester is most apt. He is truly a laugh a minute person with jokes streaming from his mouth faster than you can say scotsman.  Below an example of the Jesters humour:

“I HATE BEING BI-POLAR…. It’S FUCKING AWESOME!!!”

And then there is the Irish, Emma dearest, who is a killer on the pool table, please dont test her, I have seen her kick the asses off some seasoned players. Obviously we played a round, but by one in the morning, there was no hope of me sinking all the balls before her. Another thing about an Irish: you can never dismiss their sage advice, even when they are telling you to down that horrid shot or have another drink(when you know you cannot anymore), it all sounds very reasonable coming from their silver tongues.

And Schani dearest, the car keys and blackberries need to be confiscated the next ime we decide to have a “chilled” evening.

Come Saturday I was a walking zombie, this was exasterbated by the fact that I had to work…yes…work. It was a nasty experience as I tried to keep my eyes open long enough to deal with people. I passed the time by stumbling(www.stumpleupon.com) and reading Spud.

I was keen on going home, doing my laundry and then hitting the sack, but alas it was not meant to be and I was summoned to Boksburg for another “chilled” evening at Bok and Smicks humble abode.

Well, you know it is not going to be a quiet evening when you are handed a mojito as a starter drink. The evening slowly went “downhill” from there with us crashing a private function and being asked to leave my a not so friendly “I think Im a badass bouncer” type. We were quite horrified by this treatment, how on earth were we to know that there was a private function? (On leaving we happened to see a few signs mentioning the venue was closed, but by my opinion they were by far not conspicuous enough!)

We stopped at another bar where, even though there was a private function(again) going on, we were able to watch the rugby in relative peace. Unfortunately the Lions had their asses handed them( I am a fervent Bulls supporter) and after a few caramel vodkas(thats when you know there is going to be trouble) we headed back to Bok and Smicks.

Somehow during this time a few people caught wind of the chilled evening we had planned, one of whom was Allison, who, like the rest of us was clearly distraught by the fact that David Guetta was in town, and, as the rest of us, didnt have tickets for the sold out show.  Allisons only request that if she were to grace us with her presence, was that we have some music to dance to. Well….

..Smick bought out the big guns…not only did we have surround sound…but a Strobe Light!

Setup in the living room with music ranging from Rock, House, and even Dubstep, what started as an innocent evening turned out to be a killer house party! We danced and drank and laughed and really did have an awesome time. And once I was unable to dance or even think or talk properly, Bok and Smick graciously took me to bed, Bok gave me a monster size glass of water for the thirsties and Smick gave a tuck in to kill for.

Sunday morning and us ladies were in for the royal treatment, where Mynies actually made coffee and Smick made an awesome breakfast. And just when I thought it was safe to leave…I was handed a Savanna(and who in their right mind says no to a Savanna on a hot Sunday morning?)

And so a chilled summers day was spent in the garden talking about life, love and happiness.

PS: Aside from blackberries being confiscated and then going flat due to lack of chargers it was great knowing that we could keep in touch with those we care about(even if the conversations had made no sense at all due to the consumption of far too many).

PSS: Stroe lights, bars, pool tables, and mojitos are bad news and it is my duty to warn you that you are in for a killer evening with any of the combinations, but most definitely the STROBE, so, if you are looking for an early evening be warned, if you see a Strobe Light, turn around and run away….fast!

Its The Weekend Baby!

A Tribute to The Snake

…not the slithering snake and not the trousersnake either(for those of you with dirty minds).

No, this is  tribute to the snake we found on our Nokias:

Ring any bells?

For me the snake represents an era gone by, back in the day when cellphones were black and white and we had only just heard of polyphonic ringtones – Yes Schalk, I am repeating our conversaion via Blackberry Messenger verbatim, what you going to do about it?

All of this nostalgia has obviously been brought in by the “Three Day Dark Age” we BB users had to endure and on that note:

Most of us profess to say that the peace and quiet did us good. I only have one thing to say:

Bullshit.

If you wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet you would have gone on a trip to a remote desert island where no technology existed and if you wantedpeace and quiet to the extreme, you would have bought an iPhone.

I did not enjoy the peace and quiet. I had to use airtime(remember that anyone?) to sms(God forbid) a friend! When last did you have to use the “short message service”? Even my mother as a BB.

Back to it.

Remember when e had to load airtime onto our phones the sms friends/boyfriends/family/etc to alk and make plans? If you really treth your mind a little further there was a time when you had to CALL PEOPLE FROM A LANDLINE!

Seriously, now I know what our parents felt like when colour television was introduced, hell, even when computers were brought onto the market(anyone remember tetris?)

So I have succeeded in making myself feel very old and probably you too.

Point being we wouldnt be where we are now if it werent for snake and all the other now obselete quirks of technology.

November Rain – Guns and Roses

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin’ when I hold you
Don’t you know I feel the same
‘Cause nothin’ lasts
forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it’s hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain

We’ve been through this such a long long time
Just tryin’ to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one’s really sure who’s lettin’ go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin’ that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me then darlin’ don’t refrain
Or I’ll just end up walkin’ in the cold November rain

Do you need some time…on your own
Do you need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time…on their own
Don’t you know you need
some time…all alone

I know it’s hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn’t time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time…on my
own
Sometimes I need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time…on their
own
Don’t you know you need some time…all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there’s no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don’t ya think that you need somebody
Don’t ya think that you
need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You’re not the only one
You’re
not the only one