THE PURPOSE OF LIFE

Marriage and Divorce

I think it is appropriate that I discuss my thoughts on marriage and divorce on my last day as a “wife”.

To me, marriage is companionship. I came across this definition:

“Companionship is that state of being friends. It is a closeness or familiarity,
a true fellowship among people who for some reason have connected. It is the
word that comes to mind when you hear the words life-long partners.”

This is the foundation for any relationship, afterall if you dont feel “connected” to someone, you surely arent going to want to spend your life with that person.

I believe wholeheartedly that my relationship with my “soon to be” ex was a companionship – for seven years. The last two, not at all. I loved him. I cared for him, I would have done everything for him. Our relationship and our marriage superceded all other relationships I had. I do believe I honored and even obeyed him and would have continued to do so had I believed he was doing the same thing.

People change and others stay the same, the most important part of being in a marriage is accepting and compromising with your partner, without compromising yourself.  And if you learn and grow together I believe that a “happily ever after” is possible.

Unfortunately most of us either compromise ourselves, we change or our partners do and we forget about being companions, or about being there for one another. The companionship then disentragrates and all you are left with is familiarity.

At this stage one or both partners go looking for companionship, either with friends, or with other women. We try couples counselling or church or romantic getaways. We even turn a blind eye and continue down this path of distruction and distraction. We either remain inflexible while the other bends backwards. And some of these tactics work in saving the marriage, sometimes not.

I firmly believe that if you have tried everything to save your marriage, that you have given it your all, and it is still not working, there is no shame in saying goodbye and moving on.

We live our lives to be our best selves, if not for ourselves, for our children. In the end we need to show them happiness and not at the expense of others.

I wish my ex all the happiness in the world. And I thank him for our daughter and for very many happy memories and I’m happy to have no regrets or resentment.

This Goose is happy to end this chapter and start a new one.

Budgeting Sucks Hairy Monkey Balls

Yes, it does. I want to find the asshole that created the wonderful term “budget” and let him have it, even better, let’s find the asshole that decided to make money.

Before money existed we used the Barter system and it worked, I would give you some of my sheep for some of your gold. You would trade your sheep for cabbage and then trade the cabbages for gold from me again.

Today we have to work, and alot of us enjoy our work, some of us hate it. We earn money that we have to spend on rent, utilties, schooling, food, taxes, petrol, clothing, make up, cars, satellite subscriptions, cigarettes, alcohol, healthcare, drugs, fitness, pets, holidays, internet, cleaning materials, domestic workers, gardeners and and and and and….

We are CONSUMERS…we take and take and take, when last did we give, when last did we grow something? When last did we do something SUSTAINABLE? Im the same, I also JUST take take take.

I blame our consumer society on Money…

I know I am usually alot more upbeat, but today I really couldnt give a rats ass….today I’m bitching a little bit. I’ll make up for it some other time.

The H20 Bromance

I have to mention it, after keeping my enthusiasm at bay for about a month, I am officially ready to say:

“FUCK YEAH…H2O HERE I COME!”

Why the caps? Why the exclamation mark? Why the cussing? Why the undoubtable excitement?

Well I am not 100% sure. You see, I have never been to an H20 event before. I have always wanted to go, but my “soon to be” ex was never interested(he had a “been there done that” attitude) and thought it pointless to take me. For many people it is just another rave, and a friend of mine was not so very interested in going until a month ago(something about it not being her “scene”).

I had decided to go to H2O about the same time I decided to get a divorce. Obviously it was about spreading my wings, doing the things I wanted to do, experiencing everything that I previously couldnt. My excitement at this time was probably at a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10, I have never been to a “rave” before so I have no experience to judge it on.

Cue drum roll….enter Schalk and Jaco.

If ever you are looking for the two biggest groupies of H20, it must be them. These boys live, breathe and eat “Water”. I believe they are in constant preparation for the event(as there is always another one just around the corner). They have dieted, pumped iron, spent who knows how much on clothing and nevermind the constant facebook updates. Yes, virtually every day either one of them has had to remind the world of how stoked they are that H2O is yet another day closer. And then there are photos….hundreds of them! Nevermind the fact that their tickets were bought as soon as they hit the shelves but on the day of H2O they are snubbing a breakfast that myself and the Minks are making in favour of the event.

Yeah it might be dangerous having a blonde and a redhead in the kitchen, but seriously? Who says no to FREE BREAKFAST?

Well they do, apparently there is a spot in VIP that has to be taken and God forbid they dont get it.

In short these Bad Boys are obsessed. And when you happen to be friends with two H2O Obsessed Bromantic Burgers you are in deep trouble. You are bound to be sucked into their twisted vortex of anticipation and excitement. It has gotten to the point where I live breathe and eat the event. I’m obsessed with what sandals to wear, I’m drinking green tea(I dont know why either) and eating salad for the rest of the week just to make sure I’m looking my most fabulous best.

A special mention goes to Minks….she almost gave us all heart failure when we heard she had not acquired the golden ticket as yet…that would have been an EPIC FAIL! Distaster, thank goodness, was averted(I have literally just had confirmation)

And to top it all off, my Divorce is finalized on Friday..can anyone say…

PARTY MUCH???

MUCH MUCH!!!!!

Flood Warning: The Goose has a Chicken in the Oven.

Yes, I am blonde, I was born one and I shall remain one regardless of the actual colour of my hair at any given time.

I love being blonde, not because “we have more fun”(yes, we actually do!) but merely so that I can get away with doing random dumb things that only blondes can get away with.

The latest of these stunts was in fact only yesterday. I decided to use the full potential of my IQ and started a roast, a chicken roast in fact. Now I have to admit, my chickens always taste great, I have a flair for the roasting of a fat delicious bird…yum yum.

So, while the bird was in the oven, I threw together some veggies, reminiscing back on the days where my mom or dad would be roasting a Sunday lunch, looking back I realized that they slaved away(really)…cooking for a family of six. With a family this size you always have to supplement, especially when it comes to chicken and they only come standard with two drumsticks. Nothing makes me more nostalgic than a traditional roast(boer style).

While all this nostalgia took place I challenged myself to do the dishes while cooking, only so that the mess would be minimal.

BAD IDEA.

Everyone that knows me knows I am not a fantastic multitasker, in fact I CANNOT MULTITASK.  Disaster was about to strike.

I started running the dish water and put the plug in, and very wisely decided it was time to turn the chicken, so I turned my back on the kitchen sink(fatal error) and opened up the oven, removed the chicken, turned it, spiced it a little more…and somewhere during this procedure I realized quie slowly that my feet were getting wet. It took even longer for it to dawn on me that the water would actually be coming from the kitchen sink…(insert embarressed face here)….yeah where else would it be coming from…the bathroom sink?

I slo mo turned only to see the water overflowing like a majestic waterfall, onto the kitchen counter and onto the tiled floor. I snapped into action and switched the tap off, then stuck hand into the hot water to remove the plug…(insert expletives here)…and raced to switch off the appliances sitting in water.

Standing in the middle of my kitchen, my feet wet and in a huge puddle of warm soapy water I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.

Yes I laughed as I got my freshly washed towels and soaked up the mess I had created. I couldnt help but think my floor was now probably cleaner than it had ever been, EVER.

I realized that I serve as a warning to the men who think a woman”s rightful place is in the kitchen…you may end up with someone like me in there - that is your cue to go running and screaming in terror.

Completely dumb, yes, blonde move, definitely. And I know you brunettes and redheads are sitting there saying that happened to you as well, and how is that blonde.

You know it is blonde when you tell your dear friends of your mishap and all they do is look at you with a knowing grin…the one that says…

“Goose, that is so idiotic, but we still love you”. (And they only still love you because you’re blonde).

Brunettes and redheads pull the same stunt, and people are going to start looking for other, smarter friends.

The Only One You’ve Got – 3 Doors Down

3 Doors Down is one of my favourite bands, this song stuck out for me today so I thought I’d share the lyrics:

How do you know where you’re going
When you don’t know where you’ve been?
You hide the shame that you’re not showing and you won’t let anyone in
A crowded street can be a quiet place when you’re walking alone

And now you think that you’re the only one
Who doesn’t have to try and you won’t have to fail
If you’re afraid to fight then I guess you never will

You hide behind your walls of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there’s something more than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now, they tell you who you’re not
You’ve got to live this life you’re given like it’s the only you’ve got

Memories have left you broken and the scars have never healed
The emptiness in you is growing with so little left to feel
You’re scared to look back on the days before
You’re too tired to move on

And now you think that you’re the only one
Who doesn’t have to try and you won’t have to fail
If you’re afraid to fly then I guess you never will

You hide behind your walls of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there’s something more than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now, they tell you who you’re not
You’ve got to live this life you’re given like it’s the only you’ve got

Oh, what will it take, oh to get you to say that I’ll try?
And what would you say if this was the last day of your life?

Neil Patrick Harris Knows Best

*And thats your advice for the weekend*

May the Awesomeness be with you Gooses & Ganders!

The Greatness That Is Davey Havok

Okay…At the suggestion of a friend, I am to write a blog about “The Greatness that is Davey Havok”.

Well, tbh, I dont know a hell of alot about the guy, so I will  tell you what I do know about him:

He is the lead singer of the band AFI, he writes most of the lyrics for the band. To me he isn’t bad looking, I have seen some really hot pics and some really kak pics of him. He seems to be a bit of  a cross dresser, he wears make up and his music  is pretty “angsty”. I have only heard two songs by the band AFI, namely:

“Darling I want to Destroy you” and “Ok, I Feel  Better Now”

Not too bad, there are moments when I would listen to these songs, particularly  when I feel like slitting my wrists(before you go jumping up and down about me being a bitch Martin, you know as well as I do that I am being a bitch…on purpose…to piss you off).

If I had to interpret “Darling I want to Destroy You” and now this  is just off the fly…oh flip it, I really cant do this in  a Friday.

If you have any interest in Davey Havok, or AFI, and if you  really want to know why Davey Havok is the shit…look up Martin Bezuidenhout on   Facebook, he is the biggest fan of this band I know.

So there, I fulfilled my obligation.

Friendships

In the 28 years of my life on this earth one of the most complicated, gratifying and frustrating experiences I have had and continue to have is “FRIENDSHIP”.

For the most part of my life I have had friends come and go like autumn leaves blown about in the wind. Some have shown to be true, no matter how fleeting, others have been around but have and only will bring pain into your life. I also believe you pick your “friends” for certain periods of your life.

PS: As a near divorced single parent I surround myself with “certain” types of friends more than others not because they are more important but because I need to “grow”. Have a laugh as I try my best to explain my views on my friends, if I havent mentioned you dont take offence…and if I have mentioned you don’t take offence.

One: Happily Married Couples

I have just come out of a “failed” marriage, I cannot look at you and not look at my shortcomings. I need to feel good about myself, and thats not going to happen staring into your ”wedded bliss”.

Two: The Unhappily Married Couple

Been there done that…these friends I want to smack upside the head…get a divorce already…who are you trying to kid. I have been there, I know from “experience”. And if you give me the garbage that you are staying together for the kids…fyi…you are doing more damage to them staying in an unhappy marriage – yes you are – you are setting terrible example to them, you are “telling” them it is “okay” to be miserable. Well its not.

Three: The Lovebirds

The recently paired couple who cannot keep their hands off each other…yeah I am thrilled for you, I really am, honestly. Again, I dont want to see what I’m not getting. This is the cue for me to step to the side for a short while, at least until the initial heathsa simmered down.

Four: The “We’ve Been together Forever but havent married or had Kids”

Or as Id like to call it the K.I.S.S. couple – Keep It Simple Stupid. Yes this couple is quit content to enjoy each others company, the have very little hang ups and dont feel rushed into making any commitments. I rarely see this couple because thy are always up to something, skydiving, partying in Bali, clubbing, etc. I envy this couple. Others that have not done the marriage/kids thing will think they have commitment issues – Who the Hell Cares?

Five: Single Gal Pal

She has had relationships, she is pretty happy most of the time, never been married, never had kids. She focuses alot on her career. They really do know how to have fun but behind closed doors they let you now they are pining for ”the one” and want to settle. It is sometimes difficult to keep up with a friend like this,more often than not they are partying during the week til all hours of the morning, and as a parent tha aint happening.

Six: Single Guy Pal(Platonic)

Ths is the guy that’ll help me out with the blocked drain…reluctantly. He needs motivation to help you, which is usually a 6 pack of his favourite beer. Sometimes he is useful when you need to complain about your recent love interest although you never end up taking his advice, although you really should have in the end. This friend I dont see often, obviously he is out trying to get legover most of the time.

Lastly Ill mention the Single Parent friend, the ones with whom I have surrounded myself now.

They struggle to balance being single and a parent, they all have ominous exes, they try, and where other people have thier partners to talk to, or their single mates to talk to, the single parent can only really get another single parent. I guess why I love my single parent mates is that they “get me”. They get the oddball behaviour, the crazy ideas, and the hardships that I have to deal with. They are the ones that turn round and say:

“You are crazy and confused and dont know whats going on, but I care, Im here for you, cause I was there and still am, I may not get you, but I GET IT”.

You all mean a hell of alot to me, you all are a part of my life, maybe I dont see you all the time, maybe I have only met you once, maybe Ive known you my whole life, we may just be buddies on Facebook. Each of you brings something special into my life. As I hope I do yours…yeah Im going through “something” right now and I might be for sometime, I only hope that I can be as great a friend to you that you have been to me(and by you I mean all of you…each and everyone of you!)

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Life is Short